#Maybe hell be a bara

[withered-rose-unbreakable-lotus]

Masterpost: Visual Kei movies & other types jrockers were involved

So, it came to my attention some of you want to watch more visual kei movies so I thought of listing what I know, in case you've missed any of those. Please feel free to add anything I've missed with reblogs or in the comments.

Thank you @kirk-goes-to-gallifrey for the three movie links! ^^ And thank you @waretamado for helping with the titles of Plastic Tree's movies! Btw most of the vkei only movies must still be available on YT guys, however not all of them will be on HD.

Visual Kei movies:

Seth et Holth (1993) (Hide) YT link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vx_laJCEpew)

Moon Child (2003) (Gackt & Hyde)

Verte Aile/Bel Air (1997) (Malice Mizer) YT link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vdd58pTaK8A)

Bara no Konrei/Bridal of the Rose (2001) (Malice Mizer) YT link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr1d_cFRnxs)

BeatRock☆Love (2009) (Takeru ex.SuG)

Number Six (2006) (Alice Nine)

Yuku Pura Kuru Pura... Edokawa Puranpo no 「Ougon otoko」~「Visual bako no bijo」 (Plastic Tree) YT link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81Bb-3L4l2E)

Yuku Pura Kuru Pura... Edokawa Puranpo no 「Onan tokage」~「Bishounen wo kuu bijo」 (Plastic Tree) YT link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAha6vDCE0Q)

Yuku Pura Kuru Pura...Edokawa Puranpo no「Angura Kaijin」~「Remon no bijo」 (Plastic Tree) YT link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pzt3ai5LSXc)

Ascendead Master (2009) (Versailles)

Onegai Kanaete (2011) (Versailles)

Oresama (2004) (Miyavi) YT link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcBvKQfVKNM)

Soundtrack (2002) (Sugizo) (I don't know if it's a vkei movie but since the theme appears to be music-oriented, I put it here)

Ochanomizu Rock (2018) (series) (Chiyu of Sug & Ryuji Sato of The Brow Beat) (it gives more jrock than vkei vibes but it's band-focused so maybe it's better I put it under this section)

Non Visual Kei movies jrockers acted in:

Kagen no Tsuki (2004) (this is a live action of a manga) (Hyde)

Aquarian Age: Juvenile Orion (2008) (live action) (Takeru of Sug & Alice Nine)

Paracelcus' Homonculus (2015) (this is an artsy film based off a photographer's exhibition) (Takeru of SuG)

Midori: the Camellia girl (2016) (live action of a manga) (Takeru of SuG)

Bunraku (2010) (Gackt)

Akumu-chan (2014) (Gackt)

Karanukan (2018) (Gackt)

Tonde Saitama 1 (2019) & 2 (2023) (Gackt)

Moshimo Tokugawa Ieyasu ga Sori Daijin ni Nattara (2024) (Gackt)

Furin Kazan (2007) (Gackt)

Mr. Brain (2009) (it must have been 1 episode or 2) (Gackt)

Tempest (2011) (Gackt)

Sengoku Basara (2012) (Gackt)

Time Spiral (2014) (Gackt)

BLEACH (2018) (live action) (Miyavi)

Hell Dogs (2022) (Miyavi)

Familia (2023) (Miyavi)

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (2019) (Miyavi)

Kate (2021) (Miyavi)

Stray (2019) (Miyavi)

Unbroken (2014) (Miyavi)

30-thirty (2000) Hakuei

The Legend of the The Stardust Brothers (1985) (Issay)

溺れる魚 / Drowning Fish (2001) (Izam of Shazna)

Longinus (2004) (more of a short than a full movie I guess) (Atsushi Sakurai)

Other

REPO! The Genetic Opera (2008) (Yoshiki was involved with the music production of this film. Personally I learnt it years after I'd watched it)

Death Trance (2005) (It features many Dir en Grey songs in its soundtracks)

Hamlet (1998) (A rock opera version of the famous play, by Penicillin) YT link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hljXGPsUU1Q)

黒蝶の秘密 / The Secret of the Black Butterfly (2018) (It features a song Chiyu of Sug wrote, called Aiyoku no Hana / Flower of Lust)

I hope you can find anything you like and enjoy!

[acanth3]

The Sound Of The Stars English Translation

PROLOGUE

Second year since ES has been established, late April

Dreaming, and suffering through Mika

Mika: MnyaMnya, Oshi-san, I'm here for you, through fire and water…

Auh! huh, huh….?

Wah…it’s so cold. I kicked my futon off me, didn’t i? I probably woke up cuz it was too cold

What! Why am I outside!?

No, no, this is bad I can’t go to sleep outside! 

Maybe, I’m just dreamin’ anyways it’s cold I’m goin’ back to the dorm.

Arashi and Nazuna: Congratulations, Mika-chan!

Mika: Wauh! Naru-chan, Nazuna-nii, why are you guys here in a place like this together? 

I don’t remember celebratin’ anythin’ together…..

Arashi: What are you talking about Mika-chan? Trying to stay humble? 

No matter how much times I hear about it, I’m so excited to make your dream come true…♪

Mika: Make yer’ dreams come true….. What are you talking about?

Nazuna: Hey,hey! Kagehira, are you sure you're not sleepy? 

Mika: Well, is it the first exercise for idols?

It’s time to tell me what the hell is goin’ on, Naru-chan and Nazuna-nii…?

Shu: Kagehira, how much longer will you talk nonsense? 

Mika: Oh! Oshi-san, it’s so good that you’re here with us~

Oshi-san do you know what everyone’s talkin’ about? I want you to tell me

Shu: Good grief, even in a situation like this you have no idea?

Even if it’s the opportunity to make your dream come true?

Mika: My dream?

Shu: How many more times will you make me say it? From now on, you're going to space and ‘take off’.

Mika: Hu..h..?

Shu: Look here, Kagehira. There’s a rocket made specially for you. 

This is the peak of human knowledge that mankind needs to benefit from within the sky, as if a bird’s cage is the Earth ready to be free. 

How much beauty do you think is beyond there? Well, Kagehira? 

Mika: Eh…?

Was this rocket made by Oshi-san?

Shu: What are you talking about? Get a grip. 

Mika: Ehehe, sorry Oshi-san. It’s pretty rare to hear you make jokes. 

Arashi: Mika-chan, we’re not joking.

Nazuna: There’s no way Shu would make a joke like this~

Mika: …..

Eh! Am I really goin’ to space?! 

Shu: You’ve been repeating that for a while now. 

Kagehira, are you prepared to head to space? 

Mika: No, no, No..! I’m not ready yet! 

Oshi-san, yer makin’ some kind of mistake, am I in the wrong universe?

What the!? I can’t move my body like this, get me off this rocket ship!

Shu: Now that you;ve boarded the ship it shall be named ‘ ‘. You can’t get off now. 

Well then, it’s almost time to leave. A journey across the infinite universe, enjoy the trip…♪

Now, begin the countdown! 

Arashi: 5, 4…

Mika: Wait, wait!!! I dont want to go to space!

Nazuna: 3, 2…

Mika: Please, Oshi-san..!

I don’t want to say goodbye like this! Im…I’m still..!!!

Shu: 1, Blast off! 

Mika: -----I don't want to be separated from Oshi-san! 

Ritsu: Woah….. Don’t shout so suddenly

I thought I was gonna sleep in more this time~

Mika: Huh, huh…

Oh, Ritsu-kun?

Ritsu: Mornin’ Mikarin. Have a bad dream? 

Mika: Bad dream…oh…it was a dream just now..

Ah~, I’m glad it was just a dream….

Ritsu: Must have been pretty scary, I was about to wake you up. 

“I dont want to be separated from Oshi-san!” What kind of dream did you even have?

Mika: Wow, I was told to go to space out of nowhere, tied to a rocketship, and then separated from Oshi-san….

None of it made sense, it was scary

Ritsu: Haha, I didn’t understand any of that. 

Heh, but I can’t argue that Oshi-san would probably say that

Mika: No, no! Oshi-san can’t say that!

And you need money to go to space right, Oshi-san wouldn’t prepare that much just for space. 

Ritsu: Haha, a matter of money.

What;s more important is, what's the time Mikarin?

Yesterday I told you that Bara-chin called to meet

Mika: Eh…ah~ I completely forgot!

Sorry, Ritsu-kun! I was sleeping all morning!

Ritsu: Yawn It’s okay Mikarin just hurry and get ready

…..even so, can going to space in a rocket just be a dream? 

I heard a similar story somewhere yesterday….

No, I did see an online article before going to bed…

Mika: Alright! Ready to go Ritsu-kun! 

Ritsu: Okay~  get going

It was something about space travel, I only remember it vaguely..

Yawn Mikarin should be able to get there safely, and I need to go to bed…..

a/n this felt like a fever dream

[adogcalledbooster]

take-aways from Eurovision 2025

I watched pretty much the whole show last night. And it was awesome! It was such a long time ago since so many ACTUALLY GOOD acts were involved! Like, I did not actually expect bloody Lithuania to be my favourite this year!

okay, so… some observations:

The hosts were funny, especially the one with the suit with all the sequins and stuff. She was pretty ”I’m not like other girls”-coded because she wore plimsolls to Eurovision. My mum was jealous of the one in the silver dress because she was really buff.

Erika Vikman, you are an icon. Rock that microphone, baby! but what the hell… the song was really weird. And funny!

Lithuania is underrated. My best friend said they sounded very similar to her favourite band (Kalandra, a Norwegian rock/folk/idkwhatexactly band) and I agree.

the airplane and the dance in ”Espresso Macchiato” was my favourite moments of the whole evening. Estonia gets a little kiss on the cheek.

Malta’s performance was just really strange. It sounded like some wannabe-badass-gaslight-gatekeep-girlboss-anthem, but sounded a bit forced. And what was the deal with the yoga balls?!

England was surprisingly good! You could tell those Dolly Style (please swedes, do not say I was the only one who saw the resemblance between them) ladies were West End musical artists. The song was very musical theatre-y

The woman in the Albanian duo looked like a vampire, more specifically Nadja from ”what we do in the shadows”

Switzerland was also really good. The song made me calm and relaxed. The singer looks like a Swiss version of Lucy Dacus. Or maybe it is just her red dress that made me think so?

FREE PALESTINE AND FUCK ISRAEL but I have to admit the song was not bad… they should still not be allowed to compete, though.

my mum’s fav was Italy. Italy was good

Germany’s song made me really think of Charli XCX. And I do lot even listen to Charli XCX. Well done

san Marino was… Italian

Portugal made me think of a new song during every quick replay. It was ”Stairway to heaven” by Led Zeppelin, then ”Comfortably numb” by Pink Floyd and then… I can not recall what more I thought of

i absolutely ADORE that the majority of the acts are in another language than English, and many are in the country’s own language! I hope it continues on like this for the future!

KAJ är Österbottens boygenius och ingen kan få mig att ändra åsikt! (Translation: KAJ is the boygenius of Österbotten and nothing can make me change my mind!)

Latvia made everyone think of ”A midsummer night’s dream”. I thought the song would have been great in the school show I had back in February. They looked like pretty little faeries or nymphs or something…

how did Israel get second place..?

HOW DID MY BABIES GET FOURTH PLACE??! Go Sweden, you still rock. KAJ are the best xoxo *starts singing ”Bara bada bastu” very beautifully and doing really crappy choreography*

Austria was good. A little boring, but good. I do not mind that they won except that Sweden ended up in fourth place.

Norway and Denmark were, like, really boring. The songs were co-written by some well-known Swedish songwriters who write many of the songs in Melodifestivalen. They suck because they are not unique or interesting. When did Swedish songwriting get so boring? Poor Norway and Denmark

Armenia was like, ”everything in Eurovision is too gay and glittery and sparkly and girly. we need a big Alpha man who does not cry about his heartbreak and also makes everyone think of that one Swedish dude from 2017 who had a treadmill on stage. AND GE SHOULD BE COVERED IN MOTOR OIL! Because that is very Alpha.”

Luxembourg girl’s dress was fun. The song was forgettable.

nemo’s new song was thumbs. As a fellow non-binary human they get good grades in coolness.

Greece was okay. I liked the title of the song.

Netherlands guy looked like Tusse who was competing for Sweden in 2021, especially clothing-wise. his song was sweet.

Spain was not as fun as last year. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MALE STRIPPERS?!

I really enjoyed the Baby Lasagna V/S Käärijä rap battle. I have thought a lot about how their songs very, VERY similar. Glad they noticed that too.

thank you Edward af Sillén and Petra Mede for being good company throughout the night. You get dinosaur hugs. Rawr XD

that was it, I believe. Thank you for reading. Free Palestine 🇵🇸

You, dear reader, gets many dinosaur hugs as well <3

[namelessthirst]

Pillow Talk

Sans/reader, breast worship, mommy kink if u squint, creampie, subtle dom/sub, fem reader, sans with boobies, cuddly sex/foreplay, bara sans for purpose of posing, fat pussy reader gang, breeding kink if you squint, squirting. -------------------------------------

You loved your naps with Sans.

He was up for it any time, any where. He always knew the best places to hide for a quick forty winks- it was almost uncanny. There was always at least one pillow and blanket in his inventory- he even started stashing a plushie of yours or two in with them; though you rarely ended up needing anything besides him to squeeze.

Instead of insisting who should get the pillow, you settled into using his belly. It shut him up real quick and never again did he argue. Besides, it was always there, even if you couldn't see it. Warm and supple.

While his belly always seemed to be there, he'd also taken to padding out himself elsewhere, depending on where your head happen to lay during impromptu sleep. He'd most likely get self-conscious about it if you mentioned it, so you didn't. You didn't really need to anyway. He knew you knew.

Sometimes you'd pet over the rest of him in gratitude while settling into his cushioned bits. While exploring, you noticed half summoned ecto, feeling it before seeing it. It tingled your fingertips, reminded you of that sensory game from childhood- rubbing your hands together fast and then holding them apart as if holding a ball. A ghost-like sensation.

Today, you were particularly clingy and lethargic. You blessed the existence of monster furniture as you lay spread out atop Sans on the couch, having plenty of room to get cozy with how deep the seat cushions were. The TV played dully in the background, occasionally being flipped between documentaries and random clip shows. You head was snugly under Sans's chin, his hand stroking idly up and down your back while yours ran along his ribs down to his faux tummy.

His phalanges tickled into the rim of your panties when you nestled into his neck and sighed happily, your head filled with his scent. It seemed like that was enough to pique interest in him, since his idle patterns became more focused on following the swell of your ass under the thin fabric. He stopped channel flipping.

A shimmering blue mist carried the remote to the coffee table nary a foot or so away, and Sans's freed hand came to rest on your head, hard-tipped fingers scratching along your scalp lightly.

"feel good?"

You whined out a happy agreement and wiggled to lean into his touch. You could feel him hum low through his chest where you hid your face. It always got to you when he got all rumble-y, but today really seemed to hit it. Jeez, you really were in a state, huh?

Maybe he was too, the way his hand faltered before sliding out, gripping a cheek to pull open just a bit along the way. He forged a new path to stroke back and forward over your vulva, just the slightest grip on either side while his middle fingers pressed into the slit through the cotton.

"Oooh..."

He knew just how to work you. You were sure you felt the first dribble of arousal leaking as you tried leaning into his hand with each pass.

This went on for a bit. Lazy and slow, with you practically cooing into his chest, pussy twitching as it squeezed on nothing.

Apparently something about this combination did something interesting for Sans. Because as you nuzzled and squirmed, you felt something new besides the expected prodding from his pelvis.

Under your cheek a fresh warmth spread, gently lifting and plush.

Curiosity won out over stimulation, and you raised your head to peer at him.

Holy tits. You almost had a little bit of boob envy.

Heavy and almost straining his worn tee.

Sans's hand paused when you moved and caught you staring. He shifted, and when you met his eyes you could tell he was over-thinking this.

Nuh uh. Hell no. No way you were missing out on this delicious discovery.

It usually took way more than this for you to relax into this kind of role, but by god you pulled it off. Maybe even better because he knew.

You roll your hips, pushing your pussy into his stilled hand, pressing your cheek against his breast to gaze up at him past your lashes, and give the softest voice you could manage without flustering yourself, "I can play?" You palmed his other breast for good measure, the weight of it alone making you giddy.

You swore you could feel the pulse of magic it sent to his dick. His words slur just a little.

"'f ya be good f'r me."

You don't even wait for his hand to resume it's path before you're bunching his shirt up to his neck to ogle him. Fuck. You might drool if you open your mouth. Might as well put it to use, right?

You dive in, lips sealing over a nipple, face pressing his breast into place where you can suck without gravity stealing him away. His ecto feels like butter under your tongue, all the blessings of never needing to moisturize what only temporarily exists.

His breath is sharp and he quickly sets back to your pussy, pressing down with each pass over the peak where your clit lays hidden.

When your fingers dance around his untouched nipple, pinching and tugging, Sans's moan is deep and betraying just how surprised he is at how good this feels.

"f-fuuuck... good... good girl," you gasp around him when he grips the back of your panties and pulls, pulling the thin strip tight against your puffy lips, "s'cha good fuckin' girl..."

You hum and coo your delight into him, mouth full and refusing to be otherwise. Mumbling praise when you do draw away to swirl around his perked bud. When you add the tiniest bit of tooth pressure and suck like there's anything for him to give, he shoves your panties aside to stuff his fingers in.

Two, right quick with a third and the sounds mingle well with the wet pops and slurps of your mouth. He circles your clit with slick every few pumps and presses your head in further with his dry hand.

His dick is wet against you and you wonder if he's going to cum like this; you just might yourself. Your clit is throbbing.

But when you go to wet his other breast, his hand slips free and you're on your back before you can catch your breath. You think he just dumped your soaked panties into his inventory because you didn't feel him take them off and he's pressing inside.

Your knees are pushed so far up in his grip and your eager hole gobbles him up without hesitation. He's grunting as he bottoms out in you and there's something delectable about feeling his tip kiss your cervix while you lap at his dangling tits.

Its hard to keep hold of them as he flicks his hips into you, you're drooling all over him and yourself but its just as well at this point. Your moans are stunted every time he fills you, his nipple catching your teeth as it passes in a swing and you're not sure what's louder- your cunt swallowing him or your sloppy mouth trying to hold onto his breasts. You pant and just let pebbled tips pass your tongue.

Your lungs feel punched when he forces your orgasm. His thrusts shallow and he groans with your squirting hole. He's gonna cum and you know it, your thighs sliding up out of his grip to his elbows and tensing for the hips they can't reach to hold him to you as he curls over you and stuffs his load. You cum dry as he uses you to milk his orgasm.

Warm and full with his spunk, you twitch around him. It takes him a minute for his ecto to vanish, and you whine with the leak that follows.

You don't think you'll be able to nap on the couch for a while.

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/63080008

[saltedpeppermintmocha]

MONSTERS DON’T DO BACKGROUND CHECKS - 3/?

-UFSans x Reader

Chapter One(Tumblr)

Chapter One (Ao3)

Summary: Moving across the country and starting your life anew on the basis of a rumour may not be the smartest thing you’ve ever done…but, well, you’re here.

If only you could stop running into that asshole skeleton, life would be pretty good.

Tags: underfell au, bara Sans, afab reader, enemies to lovers, fluff, eventual romance, eventual smut, slow burn, swearing, alcohol, smoking, past abuse, plot

Notes: Currently at 87k words and 12 chapters on AO3.

Chapter Three: Monsters Don’t Lose Bets

You are not at all hungover the next day; no headache, no nausea, nothing. Maybe you’re a bit dehydrated, but after last night that’s just a small consequence. It’s a relief really, considering your early shift, but also super fucking weird. What you are, however, is absolutely exhausted. So you stand at the reception desk feeling like a zombie and stare into space. 

It’s too early in the morning for any guests to arrive, so it’s just you and the janitor in the lobby. The janitor -some sort of gooey monster that makes just as much of a mess as he cleans- hasn’t exactly been receptive to your attempts to chat. You’re starting to think it's more that he doesn’t speak at all than anything else, as ever since the monster staff got the fifteen minute break, your area has been practically sparkling and if there’s ever a mess, he’s right there. 

You watch him work absently, and with nothing else interesting to focus on, your tired mind starts to relive the party. Damn. Such a weird night. A good night, for sure, filled with a lot of laughter and fun. You definitely made a few more friends, which is a great thing for your social life in Monstertown. But, there were definitely some odd moments too: walking home with Undyne, sharing your lighter with Sans on the balcony and…well, whatever the fuck happened in the kitchen. 

As the memories play in your mind, you feel like almost cringing into yourself. What the hell had you been thinking?! Many of the shitty decisions you made last night definitely wouldn’t have been made if you were sober. Okay, sure, you might have gone up to Sans and tried to mess with him a bit at work, but that is nothing near to actively antagonizing him and putting your hands on him. Not to mention drinking out of a random solo cup? Just how invincible do you think you are?! Who knows what the fuck was in there?! Sure, it turned out alright…but it easily couldn’t have. 

You swallow, mind going off in a tangent of ‘what could have happened’. As much as you want to completely trust BP and Guy, you’ve only known them for a few months, and you literally just met the other monsters at the party. You were lucky, really. Lucky that either nobody wanted to hurt you, or do anything worse.. BP’s words from earlier flicker through your brain. 

“You have no idea just how lucky you are, little buddy.”

Letting out a long sigh, rubbing your face as you try to push your circling thoughts from your brain. No. You’re definitely going a bit too far in the other direction now. Sure, you made some dumb decisions…but that doesn’t mean anyone was necessarily out to get you. You’re allowed to trust in people. You have to be a bit smarter in the future, but you don’t want to close yourself off to people. That’s not going to happen again. You came here to live , not to become a damn hermit. 

Something that Undyne said on the walk home sticks out in your mind. 

“Wait. Did you really not do a lot of research before moving here?”

You really are walking around here with blinders on, aren’t you? When you moved to Monstertown, you didn’t really do much research, other than basic etiquette and where to apply for a job. It had felt odd to you to look into any specific monsters in the area…considering everything. The only monsters you really knew beforehand were Mettaton and the monarchs, but, well, everyone knows them.

Pressing your lips together, you open up Goggles on your work computer. Chandace wont really care. You type in ‘Undyne’ and hit search. 

Wow. Her face pops up immediately, along with a Wiki page. You stare down at the computer in surprise. So, you really should have known who she was beforehand, then? Shit. Is she famous or something? You click on the wiki page. The page that comes up is not huge by any means, but the information on there is shocking. 

Undyne (birthdate unknown) is a known monster, currently serving as the Captain of the Royal Guard, under its king, Asgore. 

Well, shit. You click on the link for ‘Royal Guard’

The Royal Guard are an elite group of monsters dedicated to defending monsterkind and protecting the King and Queen. 

Your hand shakes a bit. That’s who you were walking home with?? Likely one of the strongest monsters? The damn Captain of their Royal Guard?!

…no wonder Sans seemed a bit worried to see her at the party.

According to the Royal Guard page, most of the members are still active, but only a few are ‘known’ outside of monster society. A small section below is titled ‘Notable Royal Guards’. There are only a few names there: Greater Dog, Papyrus and RG02. 

Greater Dog…?

You think of Lesser Dog at the party. The little pup who cuddled in your lap and whined for treats. There is no way…right? The same part of you that kept you from doing research beforehand screams at you not to look any further; you wouldn’t want people looking into you, right? But…well…last night proved that you maybe need just a bit more information if you want to live here unscathed. 

You click on the link, and prepare yourself for heartbreak. The page that comes up is both a relief and a concern. That’s definitely not Lesser Dog, thankfully, but the fact that you are now staring at a picture of a different dog in really buff knights armor remains confusing as hell. How does that even work?? There isn’t much of a bio for Greater Dog, it just states the name and that they are a member of the Royal Guard. 

Deciding to think a bit less of that, you go back to the previous page and click on an unknown name. 

That's…a skeleton. Huh. Well, definitely not Sans. This monster is tall like Sans, but definitely a lot thinner. He’s, uh, actually kinda terrifying looking, with the scars over his eye and scowl in every photo. It’s kinda like taking a photo of Sans into photoshop and just sharpening him 100%. Are they related? Hm. You blink. Wait…is it, uh, speciesist to assume the skeletons are related? Shit. 

This monster, Papyrus, has a much bigger bio than Greater Dog, or even Undyne really. Apparently this thin skeleton is also a…lawyer? Well, he'd certainly intimidate you in a court. Hah. He seems to be the main lawyer at all the different Monster Rights court cases, defending and advocating for monsterkind and the monarchs. Even his picture at the top right is him in court, standing straight up at the podium pointing at something out of frame. 

From there, you kind of end up on a bit of a deep dive into monster rights. You’re surprised to find out that monsters don’t legally have everything yet: the right to marry, the right to vote, the right to own land outside of Ebott, etc. You really had thought that they were much closer. Guys’ comment on monsters being unable to buy alcohol rings a bit differently now. Shit, it seems like even the smallest thing is a fight for them. 

Eventually, a guest does come up to the reception desk, so you have to exit your search. As usual, the moment one guest comes, they all do. It’s never in a nice, even fashion. So, you are busy for hours. Ugh. It does die down a little bit after noon, so you pop into Chandace's office and let her know you're going on break. The hand monster looks busy at her desk, and just waves a finger at you silently -you still haven't really figured out her motions- so you shrug and assume thats a 'go ahead. 

On your break, you take a walk through the park, hoping the fresh air will help calm your mind. As you turn the corner, your eyes immediately focus on the spot that you were humiliated for the second time with mustard. If I had a nickel for every time I embarrassed myself over a condiment I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but its weird that it happened twice. Luckily, the area is empty: no stand and no skeleton. You don’t think you’ve seen the guy or stand return to the park since. 

The memories of last night's actions come back full-force. You slow to a halt and look up at the sky. Even taking away the riskiness of your actions, they were still embarrassing as hell. Rude too. Shit. Should I apologize? Despite being an asshole, he dealt with some random human stealing his alcohol and putting their hands on him pretty well. He had plenty of opportunity and motive to hurt you, and also noticeably didn't push you off the balcony. And if the skeletons are in any way related, Sans could have friends/family/something in high places. 

Letting out a deep breath, you look back in front of you and resume walking. An apology might be taking it too far, especially considering the guy still is an asshole. But, neutrality maybe? That could be good. Hm.

You think about that a bit as you walk back towards MTT Resort. As it starts to loom above you, you find yourself slowing. It’s such a nice day, and you really don’t want to go back. Unfortunately, you do have to work to live and too soon you are at the door to the building. You take in one last breath of fresh air before grabbing the handle to go back inside. 

“Hey! Punk!” A familiar voice.

You pause, looking around. It’s Undyne. Captain of the Royal Guard , Undyne. Shit. She’s marching towards you. You immediately freeze, mind focusing on things you’d rather not: her muscles, her sharp teeth, the obvious strength she has in every movement, and the way she could easily disembowel you. All the fun stuff.  

“Uh, hi Undyne!” You smile, words maybe a bit shakier than intended. 

The monster stops in front of you, narrowing her eyes. Then, she smirks. “You looked me up, didn’t you?!” When you just nod sheepishly, she laughs loudly, hands on her hips. “You know, if I wanted to kill you, I definitely would have done it last night. Not now-”

Okay…true. That makes you calm a bit. 

“-not that anyone here could stop me-”

Great.

“-I mean, you’re just one weak little human. The fuck would you do to stop me?!”

…  

“You little shits have nothing. No magic, no claws, no muscles-” She rants, her eye a bit unfocused, as if she’s not even seeing you, but others. 

“Undyne.” You interrupt, watching as her gaze immediately locks back on you. Spooky. “That’s, uh, really not really helping right now.”

“Hah! Right.” She grins, and you get the feeling that she definitely enjoys that she’s freaked you out. “Anyways, yes, I wanted to ask you something!”

…

Oh, she’s not continuing. You prompt. “Uh, go ahead?” 

“Let’s exchange numbers.” Undyne commands, not asks. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a phone, hitting a few buttons before shoving it towards you expectantly. Pinned under that gaze and feeling incredibly like prey, you really don’t have another choice. Taking the phone from her hand, start to add your contact information.

“Undyne!” A new voice calls. Looking up, you’re surprised to find the voice coming from a smaller voice further away: a yellow lizard looking monster with glasses. 

“Aw, shit.” Undyne mutters, a weird nervous energy to her all of a sudden. She practically shoves the phone back into your hands. “Gotta go! I’ll text you. You better text back.” 

…and she’s off. As quickly as she came. You watch as she quickly makes her way over to the other monster before stopping beside. The lizard monster turns to look at you for a moment, but with the distance and those large glasses, you have no idea what expression they have. You give a small awkward wave, but the monster turns away. 

The two walk off. You watch them until they disappear around a corner and head back into the resort. You head back to the reception desk. It’s maybe half an hour later when your phone vibrates. 

New Message

[Unknown Number] Hi Punk!!!!!! 

With a small smile, you quickly add her contact in and respond. 

[You]: Hi Undyne : )

[Undyne]: It’s Undyne

[Undyne]: The fuck?!!!! How did you know????!

You chuckle, and respond. 

[You]: Lucky guess.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

2 Weeks Later

Undyne proceeds to message you at least once a day after that. It’s surprising, not just in how chatty the fish monster is, but as to how mundane the topics are. They are pretty surface level; she mostly chats about her day, asks about yours or goes on surprisingly sweet rants about her girlfriend. You had wondered at first, if her getting your number was some odd attempt to get information or something out of you. Not that you had any information that couldn’t be found online. But the idea that Undyne, Captain of the Royal Guard, just wanted to chat seemed…impossible. 

Why talk to you ? You have no idea. Certainly there must be more interesting people around her. Despite thinking about it for a long while, you can’t really come up with any reason why the Captain would want anything to do with you. Part of you wants to just ask, but the larger part doesn’t want the answer. Even if you are right, and she really is trying to get something from you…you’re not certain that you really care.

After all, you’re getting something from this too. You’re getting a type of interaction that you didn’t realize you were missing. It’s just…nice to talk to someone like this. BP isn’t one for small talk, and you realized quickly that you didn’t actually get any of the other monster’s numbers at the party. But here is someone who is just willing to chat. You wonder if, maybe, this could grow into some sort of friendship. A transactional friendship, possibly, but one nonetheless. 

Sort of friends with the Captain of the Royal Guard. Holy shit. 

It’s been about two weeks since the night of the party, and honestly, you have pretty much moved on from it. Of course, remembering your stupidity will always bring back a pang of embarrassment, but with your new lease on life to be smarter, the odd texting with Undyne, and no skeleton sightings, you really haven’t had a reason to relive the memories anymore. 

So, when you’re wandering around alone at the park on your break, and you see a familiar stand set up, you are pretty surprised. 

There he is, as massive as usual. He looks almost asleep, leaning against his hand on the stand with his eye sockets practically closed. 

…

Shit. What was your plan here again? To somehow become neutral with this monster? To try to smooth things over and not be on his bad side? Right. And how the hell did you plan to do that? Taking in a small breath, you text the only two people you think could have any input into this situation. 

[You]: Hey, Sans is back at the stand. Should I go try to smooth things over with him? 

Copy. Paste. Now just wait. 

The responses come surprisingly quick, your phone vibrating twice in your hand. 

[BP]: what? Fuck no

[Undyne]: Of course!!!! Don’t be a little bitch!!!! Be strong and forward!!!!

Well, cool, that was useless. You pocket your phone with a deep sigh. Okay, think. Do you even want to smooth things over with the guy? Eh. Maybe? It certainly would make living here easier, especially as he seems to be a regular around the area. Though, hypothetically, you probably could just try to avoid him for the foreseeable future. There’s no reason you have to interact with the skeleton. Maybe you can just…leave him alone and let things simmer down.

…no, that’s dumb. You’d be setting yourself up for a harder time for no reason. 

You look back over to the stand, startling slightly as you notice those eye lights staring straight back at you. Oh. He’s awake. His mouth ticks up into a grin, and you instantly have to fight off the urge to flip him off. This is going well already. You think sarcastically. 

You take in a deep breath to center yourself. Okay. You’re going to do this. You are going to have a good -or at least neutral- interaction with the skeleton if it kills you! Maybe it’s a good thing that he showed up today of all days. You had been planning on buying a quick lunch from the Emporium on the way back from your walk -the last of your groceries had been used for dinner last night- so you are pretty hungry. Maybe it’s finally time to try one of those locally famous ‘dogs. 

Swallowing your pride, you approach the stand.  

“back for another?” The skeleton asks, not moving from his lazy stance. 

Shit. You forgot just how much seeing this guy's skull and hearing his voice immediately puts you on edge. Ugh, this isn’t fair. 

“Can I have a ‘dog?” You ask, attempting a polite voice and even a small smile. Hah! Success! 

…

The skeleton seems fully awake now. His eyes are fully opened, giving you a surprised look that you don’t fully understand. 

“Uh…hello?” You prompt, using your best customer service voice. Don’t fail me now.

The grin returns, and he looks as if he’s figured something out. Uh oh. “arn’t ya missin’ somethin’?” He drawls. What? When you give him a confused look, he continues. “an important part of a request.”

It takes you only a moment for his words to click. Immediately you feel your back straighten. Oh, fuck you fuck you fuck you. “Please.” You say through gritted teeth. 

“sure, since ya asked so politely.” He chuckles, reaching into his cart for the food. “lemme guess, lotsa mustard?”

“Just the regular amount.” You grumble. 

He thankfully remains silent as he puts together the ‘dog. It only takes a moment, and soon he’s holding out a normal-looking hotdog with a normal amount of condiments. You can’t help but feel a bit suspicious as you take it from him. Staring at it for a moment, you take a small bite. 

Oh. Shit. Everyone was right. 

The flavour immediately hits your tongue. It’s good. Really good. Better than any hotdog has the right to be. Must be the magic. Letting out a small sound, you take another bite. 

“ya really like that ‘dog, huh?”

You look back up, catching his amused expression. Shit. Heat fills your cheeks and you flip him off, swallowing the bite in your mouth. Well, the attempt at smoothing things over is officially ruined. You’re already resorting to your own ways. “Fuck off. Who wouldn’t like a good ‘dog?!”

He hums, leaning back on the stand. Those eye lights look you up and down.“im more of a pussy guy myself.”

…uh, what?! You stare at him, feeling like an electric shock goes down your spine. The fuck?! The moment only lasts a second longer, as that intense look leaves his eyes, his grin sharpens and he points down at the sign. 

You follow his pointing finger, reading the sign. On the sign, just underneath ‘dog is… ‘cat. 

….

Hot cat.  

…

Shit. The sharp sound that forces its way out of your mouth is a surprise, and the continued sound even more so. That dumbass joke hits you probably much harder than normal due to the ridiculousness of the entire situation. With your free hand, you cover your mouth, trying to stifle the unexpected sound. 

Sans stares at you, also apparently not expecting that reaction. It takes you only a moment or so to get yourself under control, and your laughs turn into an awkward cough. You look back up at that pleased expression and for once don’t feel the urge to escalate the situation at all. In fact, now is probably a good time to leave.

“Uh, well, I gotta go back.” You mumble, starting to step away when you remember. “Oh shit. How much is it?”

“two.” 

Well, that’s reasonable enough. You reach into your purse with your free hand and grab a two. It’s only as you’re passing it into his -massive wtf- outstretched hand when something else pops into your mind. “Wait. Did you really up-charge me eight for mustard?!”

That smug look returns. He shrugs. “well, ya paid it.”

“Fuck.” You mutter, dropping the money into his hand. “I guess I did.” 

There is a moment of silence as he slides the money into something on his side of the cart. “Anyways, uh, thanks for the ‘dog.” You say. “So, yeah…bye then.” What the hell was that?!

“bye, sweetcheeks.”

You give him one last glance before walking away. The nickname surprises you. Not that he said it, but that it didn’t feel like an insult this time. This time felt...different. 

The ‘dog is half-way gone by the time you reach MTT resort. You walk in and head straight to the Emporium. Even if you’re not buying something, you plan to spend the second half of your lunch there with the cat monster. You don't have enough snark in your life, apparently. 

“Why even ask me?” BP mutters as you walk up to the counter.

“Huh?” 

He looks down at your ‘dog. Oh…

“Uh, sorry?” You smile sheepishly. “But you were right! They’re really good!”

“...did you smooth things over at least?” 

You blink. Did I? Honestly, you’re not too sure. At the very least, the end of the conversation wasn’t horrible, you think. You do feel better than before. 

“Uh, maybe.” You mutter. “But anyways, enough about that! Any other monster food you think I need to try?”

The cat monster gives a long-suffering sigh, and allows you to change the topic. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

1 Week Later

Sans doesn’t return. 

It’s not that you think you have any sway in the skeleton's life, really, but something about the last interaction had you fully believing he’d show up more often. So when you walk into the park and see no stand day after day, you can’t help but be surprised. It gets to the point where you ask BP about it, but the cat monster only gives you an odd look and asks why you even care. You…don’t have an answer to that. 

Why do you care? Why are you looking? Why does it even matter? You’ve already done your job of trying to make things as smooth as possible with the guy. Honestly, you’re not entirely sure it can be anything more neutral with both of your personalities. The last interaction showed that. So, now you can just go about your business as normal. 

…maybe this is the universe telling you to just mind your own business and move on. 

Which, fair enough universe, you agree. So, you actively stop looking at the spot where the stand was when you walk through the park, refuse to think about the party or the damn joke or the way he said ‘sweetcheeks’ and just…move on.

Life goes by normally: you work, snark with BP and text with Undyne. The fish monster has gone back to Ebott, but continues to text you every day. It’s been almost a month now, and the topics remain surprisingly normal. You find yourself really starting to hope that she doesn’t have any underlying plans. God, you’ll feel like such an ass if she does. 

Another person you get to text now is Guy, which is exciting. The bunny monster is always such a delight. It took a while to get his number, you had to practically jump in on BP’s phone call with Guy to get it. While the cat monster was quick to get the phone back and hold it above his head, he wasn’t quick enough to cover the microphone. Once Guy knew you wanted his number, BP pretty much had no choice. 

You were smug about that little victory for most of the week.

So, yea, life is going remarkably smoothly. Which, of course, is when something has to change. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

You’re at work, as usual. 

It’s a hot day outside, which normally doesn’t bother you -it's nearing the end of summer, so you’ll take whatever heat you get- as MTT Resort has great temperature controls. It’s probably necessary due to the different needs of the guests. So, normally, even if it’s hot as hell outside, you’re safe and cool here. But not today. Not today, when the air conditioning is down. Not when the entire building feels like it’s melting. Not when guests are almost planning a revolt, and honestly you’re right with them. 

“It feels like I’m back in Hotland!” The monster in room 402 screams at you through the phone. You grimace and hold the phone a bit further from your ear. 

“Yes, I understand.” You reply. “We’ve called someone to fix it. They will be here soon.” You look at the front door. Please be here soon!

After another few minutes of ranting and you are able to hang up. Shit, it’s times like this you wish the monsters were still too shocked to speak with you. Ugh. You take another sip of -sadly lukewarm by this point- water and wipe at the sweat on your forehead. This fucking mechanic can’t come soon enough. 

As if you summoned someone, the front door opens. You straighten up, leaning forward as you wait for whoever it is to come in. Please be the mechanic. Please be the mechanic. Please!!

…

The fuck?! In walks probably the last person you expected to see right now. You blink a few times in confusion as the large skeleton walks in through the door. 

Sans looks just as you remember him, even still wearing that damn jacket -which… how?! He looks around the lobby lazily for a moment, before his eye lights land on the reception desk. He seems to almost straighten up, heading your way. 

“The fuck have you been?” The words are out of your mouth the moment he walks up.

He grins. “what? miss me?”

“Absolutely not.” You deadpan. “I was just wanted some pussy.” The words are out of your mouth before you even get to think of them. Your eyes go wide, and your cheeks turn red… i’ll blame that one on the heat.

The skeletons' eyes also widen at your words, and he lets out a loud laugh. It surprises you, along with a few monsters milling about in the lobby area who had started to look a bit concerned. “fuckin’ hell, sweetcheeks, ya really don’ got a filter, do ya?”

“Shut up.” You grumble, rubbing at your cheeks and willing the red to go down. I really do! Just…not around assholes like you, apparently. You don’t speak your thoughts. After a moment, the laughter dies down. 

“So, uh, what are you doing here?” You ask, changing the topic. ”Not gonna lie, it’s kinda hell in here right now. The air conditioner’s down.” 

He raises an eyebrow bone. “im gonna fix it. what’s it look like?”

You blink. “Uh. You??”

“the fuck does that mean?” He frowns, tensing. You can practically see his metaphorical hackles rising. Ah. Shit. Yup. That was definitely insulting. 

“No, sorry!” You raise your hands up in a placating gesture. “I meant that you work at the hotdog stand. There doesn’t seem to be many uh…transferable skills?”

His shoulders drop. Crisis averted. “nah. that’s my side gig.”  Huh? 

“Side gig?” You ask. “So…your main job is…”

“a mechanic.” Sans shrugs. “cars, motorcycles, hvac, generators, elevators…anythin’ mechanical anyways.”

“Oh.” You reply, surprised. “That's…pretty cool.”

“Sans, you’re here. Finally.” Chandace pops her…fingers out of the door, interrupting whatever the skeleton was about to respond with. Shame, because the look on his face is something you’ve never seen before. The expression clears quickly, as he turns towards Chandace. 

“yup.” 

Chandace sighs. “Follow me.” 

The two monsters leave without another word, Sans following Chandace down the hall towards the back rooms. You stop watching as they round a corner, turning back towards the lobby. Oh. Uh… The few monsters in the lobby stare at you. You’re used to the staring, of course, but something about this feels different. 

The phone rings, you’re saviour from this weird moment. You quickly reach down and pick it up. “Thank you for calling MTT-”

“IS IT FIXED YET?!” A voice screams at you loudly through the receiver.

You look at the Caller I.D: room 402. Damnit! 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

It takes a long time before anything changes. Long enough that you answer two more calls from room 402. Long enough that the heat in the lobby becomes almost unbearable. Long enough that you say ‘fuck it’ to whatever Chandace is going to say and start figuring things out on your own. 

Not that you can do much, exactly. Your break might be coming up but you know better than to leave early with Chandace still in the backrooms. No, you have to wait here. All you can do is work with what you currently have, and what you have is a professional long-sleeved shirt and long pants. With one last look around the -quite empty- lobby, you start peeling it off, grimacing as the sweaty skin underneath is exposed to air. 

It feels a bit weird to be shirtless in the lobby, but you’re wearing a sports bra underneath -thank god for laundry day. It’s a nice sports bra, and has quite a long band at the bottom. It’s fine, practically like a cropped tank top or something. Chandace can kiss your ass if she tries to write you up for this. Next, you roll up the bottom of your pants as much as possible. 

Well…it’s something. 

The very few monsters in the lobby give you wide-eyed looks as you fix your clothes, but don’t say anything. They look away once you stare back at them. Otherwise, it’s business as normal. You still don't feel good in the heat, but it’s slightly better than before at least. 

Maybe thirty minutes later, a mechanical sound echoes through the walls in the lobby. You startle slightly, looking around. As you listen, you start to hear the whirring sound of the air conditioning blades in the vents. Oh my god, I feel like crying. Not that you feel anything right away, in a room this big it’ll take a while before the temperature actually starts changing. Hopefully the rooms will be a bit quicker for some of the guests. 

You call Room 402 and let them know the air conditioner is back up -as requested. The guest is suddenly extremely kind and soft spoken, to the point that you start to wonder if you’re calling the right room. You check the caller I.D two times before just shrugging and letting it be. 

It’s as you are hanging up the call that Chandace and Sans return. They walk in silence down the hallway, both pausing at the reception desk. You only get a second to see Sans’ surprised expression as his eyes fall on you when the hand monster speaks.

“What are you wearing ?!” She demands, fingers going down to a fist. 

Prepared for this, you respond. “I’m wearing something that I’m not gonna melt to death in.” 

“That is not dress code.”

“So write me up, but I’m sure there’s some human law that you’d be crossing.” You bluff, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “I’ll put the shirt back on once the temperature gets to a reasonable level.”

…

“You are lucky you’re good for business, human.” She mutters, turning to walk away. 

Huh?  You look at the skeleton, pointing at yourself. “I’m good for business?”

…

“...Sans?”

“uh…heh…” The skeleton shakes his head, unfocused eyes closing for a second. “what did ya say?”

The hell? You tilt your head and look at Sans. “Are you okay?” Is the heat finally getting to him? A few small red sweat beads have appeared on his skull, and his cheekbones look a little red. “Do you need water or something?”

 “im fine.” He mumbles. 

“Alright, well…thanks for fixing the air conditioning. Seriously, it was absolute hell in here.” You smile, really meaning it. The cold air feels like it's already reaching you, though that might just be a placebo. You don’t really care. It feels good. 

“right, yea. whatever.” He responds, sounding distracted. There is a long pause, where you could swear he mutters a quick ‘fuck it’ to himself, before he speaks. “when’s yer break?”

You’re a bit thrown by the sudden change in conversation. “Uh, anytime I guess, now that Chandace is back.” A pause. “Why?”

“i don’t wanna leave ya hangin’. ” He looks away, not meeting your eyes. “come by the stand.”

…You feel like you’re missing something. “Huh?”

Finally he looks at you, that grin back on his face. “lets get ya that pussy yer after.”

Pfft! You can’t help but bark out a laugh at that. A hotcat then? You have food already prepared for your break but…you can’t deny you’re unbelievably curious. “Yeah. Sure. When are you there next?” 

“i gotta drop stuff off at home first so… ” He looks at his phone. “...less than five minutes?”

You’re sure you heard that wrong. Five minutes?? That's not possible, unless maybe he has the stand already out there and waiting…but it wasn’t there yesterday. When he doesn’t correct himself, you speak. “Didn’t you just say you have to go home first?”

“yup.”

“Even if you lived in the park, that’d be practically impossible.” You frown. 

“oh yea?” He grins, leaning against the counter. “wanna bet?” …The flashback to the night of the party is very unwanted right now. 

You swallow, pushing that aside. “Hm. Bet what?”

“i’ll be there before ya get there.”

Well, shit, you’re not in the business of turning down bets you know you’ll win. “I’d take that bet.” You smirk. “But you gotta be completely set up before I get there.”

He shrugs. “sure.”

“What do I get when I win?”

“a free hot cat.”  It’s not much, but you accept it. A free lunch is still a free lunch.

“Alright, sure. What's in it for you then?”

“a drink.”

Huh? You wait for something to come after, but he just looks at you. Those intense red eye lights staring straight into yours. “You…asking me on a date Sans?” You ask, trying to keep your tone as light and joke-y as possible. 

“fuck off, of course not!” He straightens up, voice growing in volume. You're surprised as he starts to ramble. “they’ve just banned me from the bar here, and this city got no grillby’s-” 

…Okay, so…he wants you to…get him into the MTT Resort bar? You can do that. That’s not impossible. You shrug, interrupting him. “Sure, a drink it is. You’re not gonna win anyways.” 

He blinks a few times, before that relaxed grin returns to his face. “we’ll see. we startin’ the timer now?”

“Hm.” That seems unfair. “I’ll start moving once you leave the resort.”

That grin sharpens. “ya make it too easy, doll.” He steps backwards, lazily turning on his heel to walk towards the front door. “see ya soon.” 

You dutifully wait until he leaves before quickly logging out of your account on the computer. You know you’re going to win this. It’s literally impossible for him to get to any home, put away his stuff, get back to the park and fully set up a hotdog cart before you cross the street. Still, his confidence shakes you a bit. You find yourself rushing to Chandace’s door, peeking your head in and telling her that you’re going on break. You don’t even wait for a response before rushing out the door. 

The terrible habit that you’ve picked up of not looking both ways in crossing the street is actually a benefit now, as you book it across the empty pavement into the park. A few monsters give you odd looks as you speed walk through the park towards the area you know the skeleton sets up his stand. You turn the corner -

…

He’s there.

You pause, feet skidding to a stop as you stare. What the fuck?! The skeleton is already looking your way, prepared for your arrival. He grins, waving his fingers in the air. 

Completely bewildered, you walk up to the stand. “But…how?”

He smirks, eye lights looking you up and down. “told ya.”

“That’s not an answer…” You grumble, placing your hands down on the stand to look at him with narrowed eyes. The skeleton remains tight-lipped, just seeming amused at your weak attempt at intimidation and eventually you just give in. “Fine. You win.” You sigh, stepping back. Never let anyone say that you’re a sore loser. “So, when do you want that drink then?”

That gets a different expression. For a brief moment, he looks almost panicked, before he schools it back to regular. “not yet, doll.” He says. “i’ll let ya know.”

“Whatever, Mr. Mysterious.” You sigh, rubbing your face. Taking a moment, you look over the sign. “Well…I’m here. Can I have a ‘cat please? Oh, and do you sell cold drinks? I’m thirsty.” 

Sans looks like he’s about to say something, but stops himself. Instead, he reads off a small list of drinks he has in his cart. You pick out your favourite and watch the skeleton work. It doesn’t take long, and soon he’s passing you a drink and the ‘cat. 

Oh no. It's adorable! You stare down at the ‘cat in absolute joy. Honestly, it looks just like a hotdog, but with little ears and feet and…is that a tail? How the hell do they make these??

Sans chuckles, bringing you out of your reverie. You look up. “Shut up, it’s cute, okay?”

“sure, sweetcheeks.” He responds. 

You take a bite, surprised to find that it somehow tastes even better than the ‘dog. What? There’s an additional flavour you can’t exactly put your finger on, but it just pulls everything together. It reminds you of…home…weirdly. You’re not entirely sure how that works.

“aw, no sounds this time?”

You flip him off immediately, glaring at him as he snickers. He doesn’t say anything else, so you get to finish the bite in relative peace. “So…you’re a mechanic but you just moonlight as a hotdog stand guy?” 

“yup.”

“Why?”

He seems surprised by the question. “why else, gotta get money somehow.”

“Hm.” You hum as you take another bite, waiting until you swallow before continuing. “I would have thought that being a mechanic would be enough for the bills?”

“maybe for a human.” Sans says. “monsters don’t really have many mechanical things t’ fix.” At your confused look, he continues. “without cars, ya really only need a mechanic when somethin’ doesn’t work, right? how often does that happen?”

Oh…right. “I guess that would slow down business.” You agree. “I hope MTT Resort is paying you well for that at least. You pretty much saved the business.” 

He shrugs. “most of it will be goin’ to my bro’s school.” You straighten, ready to ask a probably too nosy question, when he continues. “why do ya work at fer the robot anyways?”

The question completely turns your focus away from what you were going to ask. Work for the robot…? Oh. Mettaton. Right. Technically, you suppose you do, though you’ve never met or even seen the guy. 

“Why else?” You smirk, repeating his words right back at him. “Gotta get money somehow.” 

Sans eyebrow bones raise, before he chuckles. “fair ‘nough.” 

It looks like he might ask another question on that topic, so you quickly interrupt. “Oh shit, right. How much for the uh…hotcat?” 

He shrugs. “one.”

“Wait, it’s less than a ‘dog?” You ask. He just shrugs again. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, you grab a one from your purse and pass it over. As he's putting it away, you come to the realization that the bet and transaction are over. That's it. You're free to turn around and spend your break elsewhere. No need to remain here with the smug skeleton. But...

I…kinda don’t want to go back. The thought is a surprise, but not wrong at all. It's your break, it's nice out -the breeze cuts through the heat well-, and somehow you are having a surprisingly good conversation with Sans. Hm. Fucking weird, but true. Maybe thats your cue to leave, though? Leave on a high note, before things sour? You look down at the 'cat in your hand and think that its probably the best move.

Still, you find your feet unable to move. Instead, you lean against the cart, already opening your mouth to ask another question. “Soooo, what job has the worst customers?”  

Sans looks surprised that you’re still here, which…fair. “the mechanic job.” He answers after a moment. 

That's surprising. “Oh yea, why?” 

“harder to tell ‘em to fuck off when they’re payin’ the bills.” 

“Makes sense.” You nod sympathetically. “Hm…I bet I have a story that can beat any of yours though.” 

“what? fuck off. no way.” The skeleton shakes his head. 

“No no, I’m serious.” You say, waving your hand in the air. “Let me say mine, and then let's see if you can beat it?”

“you’re on.”

[Next Chapter]

[akwolfgrl]

How sweet it is to be loved by them 29

“Fine! If it's what you want, I'll happily slice you to pieces!” Zoro ran twords the clown and sliced therw him easily…maybe too easily. He was disappointed. He was itching for a decent fight.

“Wow! That guy was weak! Lame!”

“Oh my god!”

“He died really easily,” The crew began to chuckle around him.

“Zoro! Get us out here!” Luffy called out to him.

“I'm coming,” Zoro left the dead pirate on the ground and headed for the cage. He placed his hand atop the iron roof. “I need a key, I can't cut through iron.” Yet, he wanted to one day, Koushirou had said a true swordsman could cut through anything.

“Oh…”

The pirates began to laugh, and Zoro stared at them with confusion and concern. Had they lost their minds after losing their captain?

“The fucks so funny? Just give me the key so I don't need to fight you. If your captain feel so easily none of you stand a chance.”

“Their pretty weird,” Luffy agreed. “It's not that funny.”

Zoros haki flared a moment too late as a searing pain gripped his side as knife staped him. Sanji was gonna be pissed at him. He fell to his knees for a second before reaching for his swords, getting up into a crouch.

“Zoro!”

“What! That hand!” The other alpha in the cage exclaimed in horror.

“Damn it! What the hell is that?” Zoro pulled the dagger out of his side, a gloved hand attached to it. He swung his swords at the hand, turning his body behind him, his wound thorbing.

“The Bara Bara no Mi!” A voice came from behind him. He watched as Buggy came back together. “The devil fuirt I consumed makes your swords useless! No matter how hard, how many times you try to slice me, it does nothing!”

“Shit!” Zoro growled in frustration. He wasn't sure if his haki would be enough.

“His body just came back together!”

“That guy's a monster!” Said the alpha who was made of rubber.

“I see I missed your vital organs. What a shame. It looks like I need to stab you again and again until I get right. What say you Roronoa Zoro? Ready to make your mate a widow already?” Buggy grinned at him.

Zoro was careless. He knew the damn Clown had a devil furit, and yet he still underestimated him. Zoro still had to rescue Luffy, but the damn Clown was winning. He was seriously wounded.

“Captain, so cool!”

“Kill them all, captain!”

“Use the cannon again!”

The other pirates geared and egged on their captain.

“Stabbing someone from behind is a dirty trick! You stupid big nose!”

“You idiot! Anything but that!” The other alpha screamed at Luffy.

“Who are you calling big nose you damn bart!” Zoro watched in horror as Buggy shot one hand towards Luffy.

“Luffy!” He wouldn't make it in time to save him.

When Luffy raised his head, he had the knife between his teeth. “I swear I'm gonna kick your ass!” A flood of relief filled Zoro's body when he saw that Luffy was fine.

“You think you can defeat me? What a funny joke!” Buggy began to laugh. “Your halioris, you three are going to die right here! In fact!” Zoro watched as one hand lit the enmorass canon that was pointed at the caged alphas.

“Oh no! I'm too young and pretty to die now! I still have things to do!” The other alpha bemoaned her fate. While Luffy just laughed.

“You want to die straw hat? I want to know exactly how you're gonna kick my ass! You're tied up and locked up!”

“Zoro! Run away!”

“What?” Why the hell was Luffy telling him to run?

“Hey! Don't tell him to leave! He came to reauce you…and I also need it!” She had a good point…he didn't say leave him just to run.

Zoro grined he had an idea. “Ok.” He'd run and take the cage with him. He'd figure out how to get Luffy, and he supposed the other alpha out later.

“Don't think I'll just let go, Roronoa Zoro! I take your head and then I'll be the famous one!” Zoro ran as Buggys flying hands and kives attacked him, Zoro parried with his own swords. “The feared pirate hunter running away ha! Don't think you can escape Buggy!”

Zoro reached the cannon and slid under the opening and began to lift it above his head and flipped it over, facing the pirates. The fuse was almost up. He ran the rest of the way to the cage, Zoro lifted the cage and the two alphas up, the metal digging into his shoulder as screams of panicked pirates filled his ears.

[gaymer-hag-stan]

My Eurovision 2025 Ranking as of the 14th of March Update:

1. 🇫🇮 Erika Vikman - Ich Komme

2. 🇵🇱 Justyna Steczkowska - Gaja

3. 🇲🇹 Miriana Conte - Serving - Censored Queen serving

4. 🇩🇪 Abor & Tynna - Baller

5. 🇦🇱 Shkodra Elektronike - Zjerm

6. 🇸🇪 KAJ - Bara bada bastu

7. 🇬🇷 Klavdia - Asteromáta

8. 🇪🇸 Melody - Esa diva - I preferred the verses of the original verses, the chorus is not necessarily better or worse but, most importantly, she fixed the fucking bridge which was her biggest cardinal sin, so I like the revamp. Ultimately, this is not gonna make much of a difference but she managed to make the song sound only one decade old instead of two so yay for that!

9. 🇱🇹 Katarsis - Tavo akys

10. 🇲🇪 Nina Žižić - Dobrodošli

11. 🇱🇻 Tautumeitas - Bur man laimi

12. 🇦🇹 JJ - Wasted Love

13. 🇳🇴 Kyle Alessandro - Lighter

14. 🇨🇾 Theo Evan - Shh - I genuinely don't understand why people hate this so much like, yeah it's a pretty basic song and it sounds very similar to Strobe Lights (even though I prefer Shh I think Strobe Lights, objectively, offers a better package) so maybe this will cause only one of them to go through but the outrage over this is unfounded imo

15. 🇩🇰 Sissal - Hallucination

16. 🇮🇸 Væb - Róa

17. 🇺🇦 Ziferblat - Bird of Pray

18. 🇧🇪 Red Sebastian - Strobe Lights

19. 🇦🇺 Go-Jo - Milkshake Man

20. 🇳🇱 Claude - C'est la vie

21. 🇱🇺 Laura Thorn - La poupée monte le son

22. 🇨🇿 Adonxs - Kiss Kiss Goodbye

23. 🇮🇹 Lucio Corsi - Volevo essere un duro

24. 🇸🇲 Gabry Ponte - Tutta l'Italia

25. 🇬🇧 Remember Monday - What the Hell Just Happened?

26. 🇨🇭 Zoë Më - Voyage

27. 🇵🇹 Napa - Deslocado

28. 🇸🇮 Klemen - How Much Time Do We Have Left

29. 🇦🇲 Parg - Survivor

30. 🇮🇪 Emmy - Laika Party

31. 🇪🇪 Tommy Cash - Espresso Macchiato

32. 🇷🇸 Princ - Mila

33. 🇭🇷 Marko Bošnjak - Poison Cake

[russenoire]

Getting to Know You Meme

tagged by @ygodmyy20! thankee kindly.

01) are you currently in a serious relationship? nope. can't say i miss it.

02) what was your dream growing up? i had a new one every month. the one that stuck around the longest was 'astronaut' until i learned that NASA's manned space program hasn't done much since skylab, outside of testing the limits of human endurance in low earth orbit. still cool! but i'll keep my unnaturally dense bones, thanks.

03) what talent do you wish you had? the talent to work any job i wanted without medication.

04) if someone bought you a drink what would it be? a cocktail of some sort. most likely a gin and tonic, a negroni or a mojito.

05) favorite vegetable? too many to count. easier for me to tell you what i don't like: green beans. if they're only palatable tempura-fried, i don't need them in my life.

06) what was the last book you read? currently working through your brain's not broken, by tamara rosier, ph.d.

07) what zodiac sign are you? virgo. and no, i don't wanna hear about how virgos are hyper-organized control freaks. i am neither of these things.

08) any tattoos and/or piercings? five in a single ear, one in the other. two make up an industrial piercing. i have no tattoos but want one of the kageyama brothers from mp100 someday.

09) worst habit? getting too hung up on the 'right time' to do things.

10) what is your favorite sport? to play? dodgeball. to watch? either figure skating or tennis.

11) do you have a pessimistic or optimistic attitude? recovering pessimist here. i'm optimistic about some things and nihilistic about others.

12) tell me one weird fact about you. i never learned to ride a bicycle.

13) do you have any pets? no. i love cats and regularly-washed dogs though.

14) do you think clowns are cute or scary? i don't have a strong opinion about clowns, tbh.

15) if you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? nothing. anything i can change is changeable.

16) what color eyes do you have? brown.

17) ever been arrested? nope.

18) bottle or can soda? bottle. though i don't soda very often.

19) if you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? pay off my student loans and save the rest.

20) what's your favorite place to hang out at? a vedanta temple in the foothills here, or a park on a hill with a historic frank lloyd-wright-designed home.

21) do you believe in ghosts? maybe. i know people who can see them.

22) favorite thing to do in your spare time? singing. or learning.

23) do you swear a lot? very much so.

24) biggest pet peeve? how long you got? we could be here all week.

25) in one word, how would you describe yourself? iconoclastic.

26) do you believe in/appreciate romance? *shrug* i believe in and appreciate love, wherever it comes from.

27) favourite and least favourite food? does anyone have a single favorite? anyone? i do not. least favorite food is canned vegetables, except for beets and corn.

28) do you believe in god? i believe in the divine, a Self that we are one with and all have access to. whatever you choose to call that is up to you.

29) what makes you happy: soft fluffy things, palpable texture in weaves and knits, sweet or creamy fruits, singing and/or listening to music, my friends, learning something new.

30) currently listening/the last thing you listened to: hiroko suzuki, 'bara wa utsukushiku chiru'.

31) favorite place to spend time: at home.

32) favorite lyric: 'love is like the scabs from sunburn' from the OP to kenda master ken.

33) recommend a film: at random? good morning, by yasujirō ōzu.

34) recommend a book: oranges are not the only fruit, by jeannette winterson; islands, the universe, home, by gretel ehrlich.

35) Recommend a band, a song, or album: uchikubi gokumon doukoukai, 'shufu no michi' (way of the house-husband)

36) recommend a TV show: rose of versailles. soapy as hell, but great if you love historical dramas and anime. it's fairly well-researched too.

37) where are you from, and do you still live there? Where have you lived? the pacific north american coast; i'm still here. i've lived in texas and georgia, USA.

38) do you have any pets or animals in your life? how did you find/get them? no pets.

39) what's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? bull penis. 0/10 do not recommend. the most unusual thing i've actually enjoyed is probably fried crickets.

40) how did you 'find' fandom? got obsessed with a story and wanted to share that love with other people. didn't happen until my mid-thirties though with steven universe.

41) make a list of 5 things that you see without getting up. a heat gun, a soldering iron that i have never used for actual soldering, the laptop i'm typing this on, the laptop connected to my projector, a plastic mask.

42) how do you style your hair? usually a tall bun. my hair is long enough to sit on and this keeps it out of my way.

as always, no pressure: @yaraneechan @eshithepetty @impmansloot @gumy-shark @sukunekatano

@cheese-enjoyer9471 @sulfurousmirrorscapes @creativenicocorner or anyone else who sees this and wants to!

[pigsongpearls]

Pig Man (TV Tropes)

Kramer: Hey, I just saw a pig man. A pig man! You know, he was sleeping and then he woke up and he looked at me and... and he made this horrible sound, this [makes screeching noises]. George: Kramer, what the hell are you talking about? Kramer: I'm talking about a pig man! I walked into the wrong room, and there he was! George: A pig man. Kramer: A pig man! Half pig, half man!

— Seinfeld, "The Bris"

A combination of a man and a pig. He doesn't have to be a genetic hybrid, sometimes he's just a pig-like humanoid alien.

In fantasy settings they may be a rare kind of were-animal, or just a pig-faced monster. Sometimes the work will call the Pig Man an "orc" — this probably stems from the fact that orcs are often depicted as pug-nosed, tusked creatures and because of Dragon Quest, an RPG series that was and is extremely popular in Japan depicting them as Pigmen based off an illustration in 1st edition Dungeons & Dragons. There's also the similarity between the words "orc" and "pork", strengthening the connection (even though the two words are etymologically unrelated). In more futuristic settings, they'll be the product of genetic manipulation; these are usually human with "pig" added to them, but it could be the other way around. Either way, they're used as grunts, they have little intelligence, and they can be slaughtered by the hundreds with no moral implications.

In science-fiction settings, it makes a certain amount of sense that the pig is the preferred species for this type of gene splicing: pigs and humans are anatomically similar enough on the inside that pigs may soon be grown as human organ donors. The similarities even extend to behavior, pigs being omnivores with furless skin and similar behavior in the wild, enjoying beer as much as the next guy.

Due to their association with Orcs and to negative cultural associations of their animal nature, pig men are often cast as villains. Heroic pig men also exist, although they typically have somewhat slovenly characteristics and function as antiheroes. Heroic pig men typically stand for men in their late forties, and as such tend to have jaded or hard boiled personalities. They may also have positive characteristics which are typically associated with this demographic, such as jolliness and caring parental traits. The villains in these cases will typically also be cruel, vain, narcissists; Uncle Pey'j from Beyond Good & Evil who went up against trumped up military officials (among others), and Porco Rosso who went up against a cocky fascist fighter pilot are examples of anti-heroic pigs with awful adversaries.

If the character is young then they will stand for a chubby child and may be subject to bullying if they are sympathetic characters or be bullies if they are non-sympathetic. In fantasy stories heroic pig men will typically be turncoats who have defected from an evil force. For this reason they may go through ostracization or racial stigmatization. Tragic is the story of the Pig Man who escapes his evil masters and tries to live a human life; they'll usually be outcasts who will never know what it's like to be loved.

As the trope name implies, a character of this type will almost always be a Pig Man, similar to how cats are usually female. There are a number of reasons for this, the most prominent being that both pigs and men are stereotypically boorish and disgusting, and of course pigs are not considered the most attractive animal; Beauty Is Never Tarnished after all! If there is a whole race of Pig People you might see some Pig Women in the background but don't expect them to play an especially vital role. If there are any, expect Cute Monster Girl to be in full effect; they'll be less a humanoid pig and more a Big Beautiful Woman with pink skin, pig ears, a pig tail and maybe a cute little snout.

In yet another (almost entirely gay) sense, anthropomorphic pigs and boars can be very potent fetish appeal in furry Bara. This is somewhat rare in the Western Furry Fandom (and any cultural context where pigs are culturally considered unappealing to look at), but is more abundant in the Japanese Kemono community, where it peaked during the Year of the Pig in 2007, and again in 2019. Much of the appeal is in the highly masculine Unkempt Beauty of Pig Men portrayals (sometimes overlapping with Ugly Cute), having much in common with the aesthetic ideals of The Bear community.

Subtrope of Beast Man. Compare Half-Human Hybrid, Full-Boar Action, Government Conspiracy and Corrupt Corporate Executive, for when the pig person is a Gluttonous Pig. Oh, also Beauty Equals Goodness, Mooks and Hollywood Evolution.

See also:

Full-Boar Action, for swine that aren't part human and are crazy anyway.

Messy Pig for portrayals of pigs as slovenly, which can be a neutral trait- but if it's as a negative or sinister trait, it overlaps with Uncleanliness Is Next to Ungodliness.

Perverted Pig, for more lecherous and creepy portrayals of porcines.

Police Pig, for (often negative) comparisons between swine and police officers.

Brainy Pig, for pigs depicted as intelligent.

Has nothing to do with the title character of The Pigman. Or Pikmin either, for that matter.

Article published here. (contains an extensive example section)

[outrhunninkarma]

Yea, thought of more for the list

Pt.1

Like the previous posts;

CW: Various kinks + fetishes

Character: Multiple

SchoolB: You might've noticed I deleted the post with just him in it... I thought itd be better if I readded him here. Breeding kink.

Whooper: Surprise, surprise... I didn't forget him. He's got like... Older men, or whatever its called... I forgot what it was tbh.. dom daddy/little?? But what yall really need to know its just older men, not necessarily with a 'little'/younger person.. Just old...

Like, he can whoop your ass as a punishment LOL

Camp: Thank fuck I ended up remembering his og assigning 💀💀 its selfcest LOL.. Imagine I never remembered and ended up doing fart intubation since that was his replacement.. id never forgive myself

Poacher: Something related to magic, like using it to suspend someone in the air and fuck em with tentacles you summoned from hell while you just watch and laugh sadistically? Yea.. If you're wondering why isn't his assigning 'sadism' (which you arent,) because sadism is just Poacher being Poacher...

Spooky: Mysophilia!!! or maybe even WAM, that can work too... But its leaning more to the former.. Myso just feels like something under WAM

Trino: Was originally petplay, but I actually changed it to foodplay... Like, I was told he was a stereotypical Italian so I was like, "Omg, I can give him foodplay and put pasta in everything. Thats be lit"

Truck X: Im bringing out EVERYONE atp... Abduction as seduction. Hes a kidnapper after all

or, to be mkre simplistic, he kidnaps and seduces the abducted... Or he just gets off to kidnapping/getting kidnapped

Titan: Musk, cuz.. Well... He reminds me of bara porn... yk... Weird reason, amirite?

Bucky: Degradation

Cleany: Albutophilia, the complete opposite of Spooky... Basically, shower/bath sex or anything where you're being sexual + cleaning yourself at the same time

Mark: Hair

Jin: vanilla

Tracky: Exhibitionism/public sex... Lol, I was gonna tie it to something when everyone outcasted him on his debut, but he genuinely didnt like it so I thought of something that could 'boost his confidence'

Helly: I just wanted to mention him

[beevean]

Give each NFCV and Nocturne character ratings, as in scores :P

Why must you hurt me in this way.

Trevor: 7/10. A cliché personality, but enjoyable enough, and with a nice mini arc in S1. Too bad he was turned from protagonist to silly comic relief by S2.

Sypha: 5/10. She's supposed to be the plucky innocent girl, but she's just too rude and insensitive, and not even by design.

Alucard: 1/10. A cunt with a bad boob job.

Dracula: 9/10 in S1, 5/10 in S2. He started out so well in the first episode, being actually the grief-stricken monster he was supposed to be... and then he became a Stupid Old Depressed Man for the sake of propping up Carmilla. bruh.

Lisa: 4/10. Way less likeable than she appears. She's condescending towards the peasants she supposedly wants to help and she doesn't give a single shit about her only son, even preferring to let him grieve the death of his parents.

Hector: 8/10 in S2, 5/10 in S3, 2/10 in S4. Started out as a promising character with an unique worldview and genuinely morally grey. Became nothing more than a punching bag for Ellis, losing his personality and dignity in one fell swoop. Will always be remembered as the dude who fell for vampire pussy. The way he was written in S4, which was supposed to "fix" him, makes me want to destroy a house by punching it.

Isaac: 2/10. He gains some points by being the only character with a coherent character arc, even if rushed like hell. But he's still a pretentious prick who got unfairly sucked off by the story and nowhere near as "deep" as his fans tout - he was just lucky to be the only character written with respect in the shitstorm that was S3.

Carmilla: 3/10. She's like Mephiles and Starline all rolled into one unlikable OC villain who only exists to paint Dracula in a bad light. She seems like a mastermind manipulator only because everyone around her lost IQ points exponentially. She became utterly irrelevant after S2 and had a grandiose death for nothing. She could have been much more, but this is what happens when a sexist pig writes a radfem villain.

Lenore: 1/10. That one point is because she had the potential to be an interesting, fleshed out antagonist with again an intriguing grey morality. But she had the misfortune of being written by a hack who can't give his characters a consistent personality and a sex pest with a clear dommy mommy fetish, so she became rape apologism bait and now she pisses me off at sight :D

The Lesbians: who?/10. Waste of good character designs. At least Striga was used for Berserk bait.

The Japanese not-twins: 0/10. Completely pointess torture porn fodder.

St. Germain: 8/10 in S3, 5/10 in S4. Pretty enjoyable in his first appearance, and surprisingly faithful to the game counterpart in spirit. I didn't even mind his descent into villainy, in theory. But let's just say that his motivation is... lacking. and hilarious.

Death: fuck/10. He's the ShTH of NFCV.

Richter: 6/10. Not too bad? I don't understand the hatred for him. He's perfectly inoffensive, if not bland. The only line that made me go "bruh" was him correcting the girls about the meaning of "fraternity" lol

Maria: 4/10. This is not a character. This is a parody of a communist teen on Twitter.

Annette: 1/10. As I said multiple times, she doesn't feel like a character, but as carefully engineered rage bait.

Tera: don't care/10.

Abbot: 4/10. I would care about his conflict more if he wasn't the stupidest man alive. Also his Devil Forging machine sucks ass.

Cecile: 3/10. Maybe don't teach your student that she is perfectly in the right in looking down her white French friends...?

Edouard: WHEN I'M LAID/10.

Olrox: 7/10. As for now, he's fairly interesting, mainly because of his intrigue. A bit too try hard, though.

Bara Agent Stone: bro really was shocked at the abbot having a child when he was happily sticking his dick in a male vampire/10

Sun Thundercat: 0/10. By far the worst villain I've ever seen in any kind of story.

Tiddied Isaac: 4/10. I would like her more for her unapologetic style (calling it "personality" is a stretch) if she didn't expose the sheer hypocrisy in the fandom :^)

[4fter-hours-archive]

━━ ✦  ( @never-surrender ) one papa magnus coming right up

❝ Elizabeth, ❞ Magnus's tone was stern as they stood in front of their neighbors door. His daughter had decided to tell him moments before they attended this graduation party where she had chosen to go to college. He had hoped she would have picked Berkley, Southern California, hell perhaps Seattle, something on the west coast where he could easily drive to see her if need be. Not the East Coast, not Boston. He hadn't even been aware she had applied for colleges on the East Coast.

❝ Pabbi, það er bara Boston. Það er ekki svo langt, bara flugferð. Ég kem heim í fríið og í vorfrí svo við getum farið í einhverja leiki. It'll be fine! ❞ She rolled her eyes as she knocked on Mikayla's door, shrugging her fathers concerns away.

He couldn't help it, after her mother and twin sister died in labor, he clung to Elizabeth with every part of his being. Maybe it would be a good thing that she was going across the states for this. ❝ We're talking more about this later. ❞ He conceded as they waited for Mikayla.

❝ Yes. Pabbi. ❞ Another eyeroll from his teenager.

[teddy-the-queer-wizard]

as much as i love that reblog - writing is very much the hobby for me. id write anything if given a prompt about it that made it compelling to me.

if its like media specific that i dont know much about i might not be *able* to do anything about but i am willing to reasearch shit ive never heard of given a compelling [to me] enough idea no matter how vauge.

really hard to top gore orogami that happened canonical in the hanible show for example. probably not gonna wanna touch that. that was pretty damn compelling and it happened in the show. i dont think i can add anything of value.

but i have seen other things that made me want to get into fandoms just to play around with the concepts theyve got going on.

hell i dont even care about some aspects of fandoms im in. like dream/nightmare/ink/error/ the bad sanses. just had a really compelling set of ideas i wanna explore that were tangentially related to them.

but like idk. really like vauge prompts more than specific prompts - unless the specific prompts feel more like challenges.

like "[crack ship] but taken seriously" can pretty fun to figure out.

but also vauge ideas i see on my dash usually get saved because like. i could either apply it to [fandom fanfiction] or just go how *would* [x concept] work/ play out.

i love taking silly ideas and playing them straight and simple ideas and making them complicated

really love building ideas based on tropes. [fandom] but with [specific trope] and [specific trope] and [specific trope] very fun.

the last .... two concepts i did this way were

1. undertale + humans and monsters switched + no mining tech + modern + vegan society

2. aaaaand uh post pacifist underswap + bara verse + soulmates + soulmate subversion + yandere

but while fandoms make things eaiser because a framework is already there to strip for parts or reorganization like. its still fun to do without it

because even with no fandom tropes and generes and what have you are basically right there.

princess dragon knight things have x vibes and concepts

fae shit usually have y vibes and concepts and can be applied one of two ways off the top of my head in modern times

scifi space ship stuff has certain things going on and usually are good vehicles for these topics

hey this is usually a porn tag but what if we made it a commentary about this other thing

i want to explore this but in a background way let me just plug into this unrelated story

wouldn't it be fucked up if -

hey this is usually fucked up but make it wholesome

heres a kink youve never heard of - maybe include it in z ship or figure out how *i* would make it work

like idk. i like writing and i like puzzling things out.

hell half the fics i write are just "hmm this is popular or interests me. how would i do it?"

so yeah as much as i get being obsessed with something and wanting to pull it apart and put it back together in 1000 different ways

i also just like. writing.

[saltedpeppermintmocha]

MONSTERS DON'T DO BACKGROUND CHECKS - 1/?

-UFSans x Reader

Summary: Moving across the country and starting your life anew on the basis of a rumour may not be the smartest thing you've ever done...but, well, you're here.

If only you could stop running into that asshole skeleton, life would be pretty good.

Tags: underfell au, bara Sans, afab reader, enemies to lovers, fluff, eventual romance, eventual smut, slow burn, swearing, alcohol, smoking, past abuse, plot

Notes: I figured I might as well play around with sharing this one on tumblr too! Don't know if it'll get any interest here (I've never posted a fic on tumblr) but thats okay either way. This is currently on Ao3 with 10 chapters and 75k words, so its a long one folks.

Chapter 1: Monster Don't Do Background Checks

The building looms above you, and you wonder (not for the first time) if you are making a mistake. 

Okay. You take in a deep breath and count to ten. One shot at this. I got this.

Fake it till you make it, right?

Pushing open the surprisingly heavy glass door, you walk in. It takes you a few moments to adjust to the sudden LED-lighted lobby. The first thing that catches your eye -and how could it not - is the giant fountain in the middle of the room. It’s huge, with water spraying out in all directions. A robotic statue stands tall in the middle, water spraying from each of its four arms. An attention-grabber, for sure.

Despite its opulence, the lobby itself is quiet. A few monsters litter about, and it takes you a concentrated effort not to stare. Shit. They are huge . Instead, you focus your eyes on the reception desk in the far left corner and start towards it, ignoring the feeling of multiple pairs of eyes watching your every moment. 

There is nobody behind the desk, which feels a bit odd. You check your phone, confirming the time. It’s correct. Maybe you’re a little early, but that's a good thing…right? Shit. Maybe it’s not for monsters. Who knows. Standing on your tiptoes, you lean slightly against the counter in an attempt to see around it. Nothing. Huh. 

For a moment you can’t help but flounder, feeling awkward as more monsters in the lobby turn to face you. Then your eyes catch on something shiny further down the counter. A reception bell. Oh. Do you need to ring it? 

You slam your hand down on it, only after the chime starts considering that maybe you should have paused a second before just going forward. In some places, ringing the bell could be considered rude, right? Definitely not the impression you’re trying to give. But just waiting here seems dumb too. You’d risk losing your nerve.

And well, that’s just not an option. This is your option. This is your fresh start. 

“Welcome to MTT Resort! Ebott’s biggest apartment-building-turned hotel!” 

Fuck! You startle harshly at the voice, turning on your heel to find the speaker. It comes in the form of a short…almost star-shaped monster suddenly appearing beside you. Where the hell did you come from?! The monster is red and blue colour-blocked, and has a diamond shaped head. You don’t really know what to think of it, though…you’re pretty sure that each point on its body is sharp enough to cause real damage. It puts you on edge, despite its smiling face. 

“Oh. A human guest…” Its head spins completely around. Woah. Weird. “Nice! MTT resort prides itself on catering to all kinds of guests!” 

“Oh, uh, thanks.” You smile awkwardly. “I’m not a guest though. I’m here for the…interview?”

The monster’s head spins around again. “Oh! Well, isn’t that unexpected!” A pause. “But MTT resort prides itself on its ability to handle the unexpected!”

Uh… Unsure as to how to respond to that, you just smile. 

The star-shaped monster points its arm(?) at a door not far from the reception desk. “Go through that door! The supervisor will see you in her office.”

“Thanks!” Your smile becomes a bit more sincere. The monster cartwheels away, starting up a conversation with a new monster walking into the lobby. It’s the same spiel it started with you. You only pay the amusing scene a moment of attention, before turning away and heading towards the door. 

The door opens directly to an office. A high-pitched voice rings out immediately. “What do you want?”

Oh. That’s…that’s a hand. An actual hand. Giant and blue, with very sharp red nails. The monster currently sits behind a large desk, the giant fingers folded into a fist. 

“H-hi!” You stammer. Shit. Pull yourself together. You plaster on a smile and introduce yourself. “I’m here for the job interview.” 

The giant hand moves into a ‘three’ position. “Oh. You’re a human.” How is it even speaking? There’s no mouth??

Once its words register over your internal dialogue, a feeling of dread starts to bubble in your stomach. “Is that…a problem?”

The hand moves to a ‘one’ position. For a long moment, there is no response. You feel your nerves and stress grow, clawing up your throat. Your chest feels weird, a tugging motion you can’t fully place. 

Then, an answer. “No. Just unexpected. We don’t get many humans here.” A pause. “You can call me Chandace.” 

Oh. Alright then. You expected that. “It’s nice to meet you, Chandace.” 

A snort (how?!) “Well, you’re already more polite than the shit employeesI have already. Sit down. Let's get this going.”

With that, the interview starts immediately. It’s short, with mostly questions you had expected and prepared to be asked. A few are…oddly specific, but nothing you can’t handle. You can tell that Chandace is near the end of the questions -and are feeling confident- when she hits you with the big one.

“Do you have any experience working with monsters?”

“No.” You admit. “I just moved here, but I’m very open-minded and ready to learn!”

“Well, you’re definitely crazy enough to even try.” Chandace hums, moving again into a ‘three’ position.“We require all staff to live on-site. Is that a problem?”

“Live…on site?”

“Yes, at the resort.” She says, words slow. “Part of your pay will go directly towards your room, of course. But employees get a discount.” 

That seems…highly problematic. Definitely something that wouldn’t fly outside of Ebott. Red flags pop up in your mind from all directions. But…well…that does actually solve your other big problem of living out of your car. 

“That works for me.” You say. “I do have a car. Do you have parking?”

“Yes.“ Chandace says. “Most monsters don't have cars, so I can sell you a spot. Full-price.” Fucking hell. How much of your pay is going to go towards just living at the resort?! It's frustrating in principle, but not like you have many other options. 

Wait. Most monsters don't have cars? But…

“What about those cars in the parking lot?” You can’t help but ask. The parking lot outside the resort was practically full. 

“Mettatons, mostly.” She says. “Status symbols.” 

Huh? You think back on the cars you walked by. Sure, they were pretty nice…but not exactly something you’d consider a ‘status symbol’. Still, you nod. “Okay.” 

A long silence, then. “I’ll get started on the paperwork.” 

You straighten up, eyes widening. “Does that mean…I got the job?!”

“Don’t be stupid.” Chandace stands up. “Arrive on time, do your job, don’t pull any human shit, and we’ll have no problem.” She starts towards the door. “I’ll be back with the forms.”

The door closes behind you as Chandace walks out. Alone in the office, it takes you a moment for your mind to truly click. 

…I got the job.

…

I did it…holy shit. I actually did it! A triumphant grin forms on your face, and you lean back into the chair. Relief quickly overwhelms any sense of victory you feel. You have a job, and -surprisingly- a place to sleep.

So, that’s how you became the first human employee at a monster-owned business.

Fucking cool. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The elevator makes a freaky sound as you go up, enough to make you question if it might be best to take the stares from now on. At least you’re only on the third floor, so the ride isn’t too long. 

The doors open to a rather lackluster hallway. Sure, there may be nothing overtly wrong with the hallway, but it looks like any other hotel hallway you’ve ever been in. It contrasts so heavily with the glitz and glam of the outside of the building and the lobby that it gives you pause. 

Walking down the hall, you quickly find your room. Sliding the keycard into the slot, the door unlocks. You push it open with your hip, pulling your suitcase behind you. Once inside, you lock the door and turn on the lights. 

Your room itself is much like the hallway, upsettingly normal; though, you are not sure exactly what you expected. Maybe something more ‘monster-like’? Whatever that might mean. Still, the room has pretty much anything you could need: a bed (large), a television (old and boxy), a bathroom (no tub, damn), a table and chair and storage. The only thing missing is a kitchen, but Chandace had already explained earlier that the employees use a full communal kitchen.

It feels sort of like being in a dorm. Hm. Again, you can’t exactly complain. 

After haphazardly putting away your personal items and checking out your view (literally just the side of the building next door), you decide to find this communal kitchen. Double checking that you have your keycard with you, you walk out of your room and down the hall. 

It doesn’t take long to find what you’re sure is it, a large open door at the end of the hall. You turn into the room…

…and immediately crash into someone. 

“Shit!” You grumble, stepping backwards and rubbing your hurt nose. Whatever you walked into was soft, but didn’t move an inch. 

“Watch your fucking step.” A male voice. You look up. Oh. It’s…a cat? Well, a cat monster. Huh. This is actually the first monster that I can somewhat recognize. The cat narrows his eyes at you. “You’re new.” He says, ears folding back onto his head. “Where are you working?”

You introduce yourself, feeling a bit on edge as his stare only grows in intensity. “I’m the new receptionist.”

At your words, his shoulders drop. “Hm. Fine then.” A pause. “Just don’t take from my tips.”

“Uh, of course not?” You respond quickly, confused. “I guess…you work here too, then?”

“Everyone on this floor works at this shithole.” The cat deadpans. You open your mouth to ask another question, but a paw on your shoulder gently pushes you aside. Before you can say anything, the cat monster walks past you. 

Well, fuck me then.

You roll your eyes, and head into the kitchen. It’s empty now, but clean at least. That’s good. There’s also a small seating area with two couches, and a large window. Walking over, you check out the view. It’s a bit better, showing the park across the street.  It’s kind of interesting to people-watch. Uh. Monster-watch?

Bzzt

Your phone vibrates in your pocket. Not a call, a text. Probably Chandace with your schedule. Shit. You can’t believe you are actually going to work at MTT resort! A monster hotel. What the fuck is your life? 

Pulling out your phone, you open the message and read it. Uh. You re-read it. And again. That…can’t be right….right?

[Chandace]: Your first shift is tomorrow. Be downstairs at 4:30 a.m.

Four thirty?! You groan at the text, immediately turning around to head back. If you have to be up that early, you have no choice but to start winding down now. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘Winding-down’ turns out to be completely impossible. You try, oh how you try, but everything in you thrums in excitement and anticipation. How the hell can you ‘wind down’ when you’re actually here? Living in MTT Resort? When everything you’ve been working towards for the last few months has actually happened…and worked?

I’m here. 

I’m actually here. 

A mantra you don’t think you’ll stop repeating for a while. Grabbing a pillow, you place it over your face to muffle the excited sound that escapes you. It had been a long, terrifying process, but it actually fucking worked! You think of your day, of how terrified and anxious you had been, of how you spent at least an hour in the MTT Resort parking lot before being able to calm yourself enough to walk in. 

A bit ridiculous, sure, but it’s not like you’re normally like this. God, if you were, you don’t think any of this would have been possible. It was pretty much your life on the line after all. You think you can give yourself a bit of a break. 

Monsters don’t do background checks; the rumor that had you uproot your entire life and move to a completely foreign environment. There hadn’t been a way to corroborate the rumor -nothing online about the subject at all- so the risk had been huge. I guess I was just desperate enough to try anything. At least it turned out to be true. You’re not entirely sure what you would have done if things hadn’t panned out. There was no backup plan.

When you first heard the rumor, you had assumed you would have to move to Ebott itself. That…was overwhelming. The thought of that monster metropolis at the foot of the mountain felt so alien to you. Apparently it had been a small farming town before the Emergence, but the humans that previously lived there left quickly after the monsters showed up. Now, ruled by the monster monarchy, it had exploded into the bustling place it is now. 

The main problem with moving to Ebott was the tension between monsters and humans in the area. It’s a bit better now…but not long ago there were many incidents in the news. Humans would go to the city and cause trouble; sometimes smaller things like vandalism or robbery, and other times actively looking to hurt someone. A dumb idea, really. It never really worked out well for the humans that tried. Not only are monsters normally much stronger than us, but they actually are legally allowed a wide-range of self-defense for themselves and their territory. 

The law had to catch up quickly after the Emergence. Many people were not happy at the monster's existence, and would travel to the town to demand them ‘return to the mountain’. The first time a human was seriously hurt, it was huge. The man had gone to Ebott and attacked what they thought was a weak monster, only to get their ass handed to them. It went to court, and the entire world watched as it was self-defense. It was the first time in a while that you actually felt a bit proud of your species. The precedent continues to stand, dissuading many would-be attackers and vandals. Unfortunately, despite the win, things remain tense between the two species, especially in Ebott. 

So, no, the idea of moving there seemed impossible. Not with your limitations. But in your research, you found another possibility. A city, two hours or so away from Ebott, where enough monsters had branched out to that they formed their own area colloquially called ‘Monstertown. Monster owned businesses were popping up quickly, including a new branch of the famous MTT Resort. From what you read, the big migration of monsters had been a joint decision between the government and the monarchy to improve Monster-Human relations. Unfortunately, it had ended up mostly just dividing the city. Like Ebott -now, anyways- there are rarely any incidents, but only a few brave humans ever enter Monstertown. 

Knowing that, the looks you got all day are neither surprising or insulting. Monsters look at you in surprise and confusion more than anything. It’s what you can expect when you move specifically to the monster side of the city. Sure, maybe you’d have an easier time blending in on the human side of town but…well…there’s a reason you applied specifically to a monster-owned business. 

It’s worked out for you though. A place like this, where monsters are separate but still receptive to humans, is perfect for you. 

Your phone vibrates on the bed, pulling you from your thoughts. You pull the pillow from your face and grab your phone. A new text is up on the screen.

[Mark]: Where r u?

Frowning, you swipe to clear your screen and turn it face down. You push away the new thoughts trying to crawl up your mind, anxieties you thought you left miles ago. No, now is not the time to reflect on the past. 

You are here. This is your future. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

You don’t get much sleep at all, anticipation for your first day thrumming heavily in your veins. Eventually you do pass out, but it feels like you only sleep for maybe twenty minutes before your alarm starts going off. 

Peeling yourself out of bed, you get ready and head on down to the main floor. Chandace hadn’t mentioned a uniform -luckily- so you were dressed in your best ‘business casual’ type outfit. You take advantage of the large elevator mirror to ensure you look good and put-together from all angles before the doors open to the lobby. 

It’s pretty much empty, which you could expect at this hour. The only two occupants are the hand monster and the star-monster, chatting at the reception desk. 

“Good morning!” You smile, walking over. 

Chandace turns towards you, fingers in a ‘four’ position. “You look presentable. Good.”

“Uh, thanks.” You respond. The silence grows a bit too long. “So…how can I start?”

“I will train you today.” Chandace says. “Tomorrow you will be on your own, so listen well.”

“You will do fine.” The star monster says. “MTT resort prides itself on a robust training program!”

…

…

‘Robust’ my ass.

If there is an actual training program, Chandace doesn’t follow it. All she does is show you the absolute basics of working the reception desk. The customer service part of it comes easily, but the software is almost alien to you. It takes you a bit to understand how to navigate it. Still, you feel like you’re catching on pretty well by the time the first guest arrives. 

You look up, catching eyes with a dog monster. “Good morning!” You give your customer service smile. “Are you checking in?”

The dog looks completely surprised. “You smell like…a human.”

You blink. “Well, good. I am a human.” 

The silence goes long. 

“Can I help you check in?” You repeat. Your voice seems to shake the dog monster out of it. 

“Okay.”

The rest of your interactions go similarly. No matter their size or personality, they all have the same reaction to seeing you: complete shock. It’s kinda funny, but you have a feeling it will get old fast. There’s only so many times you can be told your own species before it gets too repetitive.

Chandace leaves you on your own after the first guest, telling you to only bug her if it's urgent. It feels a bit like a compliment, that she thinks you’re good enough to be left alone. But also…it's kinda worrying to be the only one here on your first day. 

It’s just after noon when your stomach moves from a light rumble to an intense need, and the lack of caffeine -you now know you’ll have to bring your own- and food starts to negatively affect your attitude. When you finally get a chance, you head towards the supervisor's room. 

“Hi Chandace!” You peek in. “I hope I’m not disturbing you.” 

“What do you want?” She responds, fingers in a ‘one’ position. You have a feeling she isn’t actually looking up at you. 

“Just, uh, wondering when I should go on break.” You say. “It’s pretty quiet, I think now might be a good time?”

“A break?” That gets her to look up. “What are you talking about?”

…

“Uh…” You start, not really sure how you’re going to handle this. Why is she confused? “My break. You know…the time I get to myself…that I don’t have to work?”

“You don’t get a ‘break’.” 

That's…not possible. Your shift is over eight hours. Do monsters not get breaks?! For a moment you panic, wondering how you’re going to manage this. Shit, you need this job. But can you work that long without a single break?! “But..I’m legally entitled to it.”

“What?!” Chandace’s fingers go down into a fist. “Is this a human thing??”

“Yeah.” You nod.“It’s thirty minutes for anything over eight hours.” 

“Are you serious?!” She grumbles. “That’s ridiculous! I don’t know how you humans manage to get shit done like this.” A pause. “Anything else you’re ‘entitled’ to?” 

Well, yes, actually. But it doesn’t feel like a good time to bring any of that up. Not on your first day. Not when she already seems so annoyed. “Just a thirty for today.” 

“I’m not paying you to not work.”

You respond quickly. “It’s unpaid!” 

“Hm.” She looks down. “I’m going to look into this. You better not be lying.”

“I’m not!” You insist. 

“Fine. Take it. I’ll do your job too.” Her fingers move dismissively. “Just be back on time.”

“Okay. Uh, thanks.” You leave it there, not wanting to upset her any more, and leave the office. 

After giving the reception and lobby area a quick check -no potential guests- you head out into the lobby with a destination in mind : MTT Burger Emporium. The glittery gold sign has been tantalizing you all morning. You figure that soon, the idea of staying inside the resort for your break and eating resort food will sound awful, but for now it’s all you need. 

You walk into the emporium and look around. It looks just like any other fast-food restaurant, with a bit of extra pizzazz. The walls are decorated with various scenes from Mettaton’s movies and tv shows. Not that you’ve seen more than a few minutes of any. Hm. You look away and make your way to the counter. 

Oh. 

The cat monster from before stands behind the counter. You smile. “Hi again!” Squinting at the small nametag on his apron, you finally have a name to put with the face: BP.

BP’s eyebrows raise. “Quitting already?” He asks.

“What? No.” Your smile fades. “What are you talking about?”

“I thought you were working this morning.” He says. “I saw you on my way in.” 

“I am.” You say, your voice taking on a confused tone as well. “I started at 4:30 this morning.”

That only confuses him more. “So…why are you here if you’re not quitting?”

Suddenly the pieces connect. Ah, I see.  “Oh, I’m on break.”

“On…break?” His head tilts to the side a bit. 

You explain again what a break is, going into a bit more detail this time. The confusion on the monsters face lessens as you talk. When you finish, he chuckles. “Really? Shit. Chandace is probably pissed.”

“Seemed it.” You sigh. “Do you guys really work the entire shift without a break?”

BP shrugs. “Normal to us, I guess.”

“They’re so long though…I don’t know how you do it.” You respond, glancing up towards the clock. Shit. You’re running out of time. “Anyways, what’s good here?”

The break feels too short, and you only finish half of your burger by the time you have to go back to the reception area. A bit early, but it pays off as Chandace comes out at exactly thirty minutes. She’s a bit hard to read…but you think she’s surprised that you are back on time.  

“MTT Resort will comply with your human laws.” She says. “You’ll get a thirty minute break, unpaid.”

“Sounds good to me.” You smile. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

2 Weeks Later

Walking out of MTT Resort, you throw your hands in the air for a full-body stretch. Your bones pop, and you let out a relieved sigh. Shit, that feels amazing. The air also feels great after that long-ass shift. You started long before the sun came up, and it’s already sunset. The end of your two weeks of ‘nonstop orientation’ hell is done. Fuck. Finally, tomorrow, you have a day off. You’re completely exhausted and want nothing more than to pass out in bed. But…you have things to do. 

Looking down at your phone, you program the MonsterMart into your GPS and let it lead the way. Walking down the street, you can’t help but feel a bit like an animal in the zoo. Humans don’t normally come to this side of town, so you get a lot of looks. It doesn’t normally bother you much, but today it's getting under your skin quite a bit. 

Instead of paying attention to the stares and allowing your annoyance to grow, you spend your walk double checking the grocery list on your phone. It’s not long, just a few items so that you’re no longer spending money at the MTT Burger Emporium. As much as you actually enjoy talking to the snarky cat monster there, the food is heavy and your wallet is really starting to hurt. The resort pays weekly, but with a good portion of your paycheck going towards your room and parking…there isn’t much left over. Definitely not enough to be paying for food each day.

So, grocery shopping it is. You had briefly considered going to the human side of town, but your car is low on gas, and really, getting the lay of the land is probably the best bet. It feels like you haven’t left the resort at all in the past month. If you really plan to live here for a while, you’ll need to know more than one building. Sure, maybe it would be better to explore Monstertown in a better mood, but you don’t really have any other options. Your last paycheck is already almost gone, you can’t afford another Burger Emporium meal and groceries. As it is, you can almost feel the exhaustion radiating out from you. You don’t want to do this at all. If you had any choice, you wouldn’t be. 

The MonsterMart turns out to be a small store, with shelves a bit more bare than you would have liked. Still, you manage to find most of what you’re looking for. The last thing you’re having trouble finding is mustard. 

It’s frustrating, you just want to go home. You don’t want to be searching down every fucking isle for condiments. Eventually you do find them, in the back of a seemingly unrelated section. Finally! There’s only one bottle of mustard left, sitting amongst an abundance of other condiments. Weird. 

With a small frown, you grab it. It’s a monster brand, you can tell by the overly simple ‘Mustard’ label that human brands don’t do. Interested, you turn it over to see the ingredients. What kind of mustard is this? You are in the middle of trying to determine what one of the ingredients is when the bottle just disappears from your hand. 

…

What?!

You look around, eyes immediately locking on a very large monster standing only a foot or so away. How you didn’t notice his approach is a terrifying mystery. You should have noticed something that big approach you. The monster himself is…well, also kinda terrifying. A skeleton stands before you, tall and broad. His heavy-set form is covered by a black, fur-lined jacket over a dark red top. 

Yeah, he’s pretty freaky. You should be scared, right? Even if this was a human, it's not a good situation. Cornered at the end of an isle, alone with a being as big, obviously strong and stealthy as this monster is. Every instinct should be screaming. Right? 

But fear never comes. No, as your eyes zero in on the bottle of mustard in those huge hands, it’s not fear that overcomes you, but annoyance. 

“Did you just…?” You ask.

Crimson eye lights turn to look at you. “did I just what?” He says, voice deep and gravelly. 

“You-you took that from me.” You say, surprise making you stammer. “I was literally just holding that!”

He snorts. “ya snooze ya lose.”

…What?

You blink slowly at the rude response, feeling that annoyance quickly escalating in your body to full-on anger. Really? Is this monster really going to try to steal your fucking mustard?! 

Maybe, just maybe, if you hadn't been at the end of a long and stressful two weeks, you’d just let it go. It’s just mustard. Maybe he doesn’t understand basic social etiquette. Maybe he doesn’t realize he’s being rude. Maybe he needs it more than you. 

As it is, none of that matters. You don’t have a bone of patience left in your body. 

“What the fuck?!” You turn to face him fully, holding out a hand. “Give it back!”

The skeleton’s eye sockets widen slightly, before narrowing. He grins, showing off sharp teeth. “or what? ya gonna take it from me?” 

You try. Fuck, do you try. Without thinking, you lunge forward at the monster, hands open and ready to claw the bottle back from him. 

The skeleton lets out a surprised sound, lifts the hand holding the mustard higher, and that’s it. You just can’t reach that. Condiment fully out of reach, you collide painfully with his body. The force is apparently not enough to move him. You practically bounce off hard bones and onto your ass on the tiled ground. 

“Ow, fuck.” You grumble, any physical pain you might have felt being vastly outweighed by the sheer embarrassment that quickly fills your body. What the hell did I just do?! You can already feel the heat growing in your face. It definitely doesn’t help that the monster just stares down at you, a look of pure amusement on his face. Shit. 

As quick as possible, you scramble back into a standing position and try to fix him with the strongest glare you still have in you. Getting knocked down like that definitely puts a hose to your fire, but you can still try to hold onto as much of your dignity as possible. The glare doesn’t seem to do anything but amuse the skeleton further, if the widening grin on his face says anything. 

“yer not gonna win, sweetcheeks.” He says, bringing his arm back down. As you watch, he starts tossing and catching the bottle in his hand. Taunting you. Asshole. 

The demeaning nickname fulfills its purpose of another dagger into your tattered pride. “Fuck you.” You spit out, the only response you can even think of. 

Those red eyes look you up and down, intense in a familiar way that immediately puts you back on guard. You’ve seen that look before. Not on a monster, but still. Suddenly, you have a strong feeling that you know the type of thing he’s going to respond with. You practically handed the opportunity to that smug face monster. As said monster opens his mouth, you brace yourself for whatever rude innuendo he’s about to say. 

Bzzt. Bzzt. 

A phone vibrates, loud enough that you can hear it. The skeleton immediately freezes, free hand going to his pocket. He brings out a phone and holds it to…well…where an ear would be on a human. 

“sup.” He says casually. A loud voice comes through the phone that you can’t understand. 

The skeleton rolls his eyes. “patrollin’”

The voice on the other end gets louder, somehow. The skeleton winces, pulling the phone slightly away from his skull. “fine.”

Those intense eyes don’t leave you as he speaks into the phone. Unfortunate, as you definitely would have taken the opportunity to try for the mustard again if he got distracted. Anything to restore your dignity even a little bit. 

“Didn’t anyone teach you not to steal?” You ask, the moment the skeleton ends his call. 

“didn’t anyone teach ya not to mess with someone stronger than ya?” He responds, but he seems a bit distracted now. “well, this has been fun.” He continues. “but I gotta go.” With that, the skeleton turns and walks away. He casually tosses your mustard in the air a bit higher, definitely taunting you. 

Unable to do anything else, you flip him off behind his back, glaring at him until he’s out of sight. 

Grumbling to yourself, you finally admit defeat. Turning to the other condiments, you try to figure out any sort of substitute for your groceries. It takes you a bit, but you manage to figure it out. The whole skeleton situation puts you in an even worse mood, but the monster cashier doesn’t seem to even notice. The entire interaction is done with as little words as possible, and soon you’re headed back to the resort. 

You keep to yourself, quickly heading towards the elevator and up to your room. You stuff what you can in the minifridge in your room and collapse angrily on your bed. 

“Fucking skeleton asshole.” You whisper into your pillow. 

I hope I never see that fucking smug face again.

[Next Chapter]

[lillbitdramatic]

the way Marvel Rivals does Steve Rogers so dirty in the face department whenever he has a skin without a mask is so sad 😭 like... that man is wholesome chungus big beautiful bara princess prettyboy, so why he look ugly n racist? 😭

not to sound dramatic but his chop-ness is like the visual representation Marvel stripping away Steve the person & flattening his character to a 🦅 Captain America 🦅 patriot 🦅 type of caricature. And tbh, his default outfit was a #sign

But also... it's weird cuz MR released with the Planet Hulk gladiator skin** & that one didn't have a mask... and it was okay? Like, the face was passable. The coulda just used the PH Gladiator face...

But somehow his MCU IW Nomad skin— Literally how did they mess that up? It's Red White & Blue despite NOT being a Cap uniform; it's meant to be a Nomad suit aka non-patriotic... And the face on that skin is a warcrime bcuz they has a reference for the face & made it busted as hell 😭 Serving a look and being a Hot Girl is 99% of all IW Steve did in that movie —& the Hellfire gala skin— ok tbh the OG HF Gala Steve suit was ugly to begin with, but still —those maskless skins all went full January 6th/JD Vance/Klan member in the face... It feels pointed atp. 🥴

**maybe I give the PH gladiator skin more of a pass just because it tickles me how both Bucky & Steve's free starter skins are from some stuckybait type runs while they put those gay ass voicelines in the game lmao. But related to the Steve face slander, Rivals actually made Bucky sexy— an actual miracle bcuz Marvel makes Buck-o chopped nearly all the time!! —but somehow Steve manages to look ugly... It's like a monkey paw got curled. The hotness got transferred over to finally let Bucky be handsome for once & now Steve is sticky looking like Kingpin 😭

LOL you must’ve saw my twitter post where i called him ugly!!

yeah he’s so bricky in the face it’s upsetting! like it lowkey looks like he and punisher were just copy and pasted

[whothehellisace]

running order comments

(my predictions are here)

SF1

Róa: I got this one right! It does make more sense to prioritize an upbeat song instead of one in English, imho, at least this year.

Gaja (-2): Oof, I'm not a fan either, but damn... I wonder if the idea was to put something relatively popular here (since it's the only act with a solo woman that isn't an AQ and Justyna Steczkowska is famous in Poland afaik), or if the producers just find this as boring as I do. If it's a prop thing, would it even make sense to have Róa before this?

How Much Time Do We Have Left (+1): Makes sense to have this early on, I suppose. Also doesn't clash with... uh, there aren't any similar songs in this semi-final half, so, Deslocado?

Espresso macchiato (-2): Relatively separate from Róa and Bara Bada Bastu. As I predicted, this wasn't a priority over BBB. I said EM wouldn't be earlier than 4th, and here it is! Just like Gaja, though, I'm unsure if the intent is to kill the momentum or to generate interest in the first batch of songs.

Esa diva (-9): Since Gaja was earlier than I expected, it makes sense to have one of the AQ acts with a woman here. Both this and EM are fun songs that are somewhat but not too energetic, but there are also a number of factors that don't make the acts feel too samey.

Bird of Pray (+3): Hmm, I guess it makes sense to put the Ukrainian act in a more privileged position than what I predicted.

Bara Bada Bastu (-1): This is a surprise! Less of a surprise considering the other two songs around it are slower, but there were definitively other ways to keep that idea and put this in the 8th spot.

Deslocado (+1): I'm happy this means I almost got these last two songs right, but I really didn't expect this in the final possible spot. This is also the third group in a row, while the past 4 acts are solo artists, which is a bit of a weird choice, imho.

Lighter (-7): I really didn't expect to see this here. I mean, I expected an AQ between the two halves, but I didn't expect Lighter to be so early.

Strobe Lights (-1): Really? They decided to put the two songs with "Light" in their names back-to-back? Also, I do like Shh better than this, but after the rumors of Theo Evan not being able to sing his song very well (while Red Sebastian can), I'm not sure if I would prefer to have this earlier than the other one. Then again, maybe the point is to even things out?

Volevo essere un duro (+6): It makes sense to have a calmer act after Strobe Lights.

Run With U (+2): I think there are better options than putting this right after VEUD and right before Tutta L'Italia, but at least this isn't within the final 6 acts.

Tutta L'Italia (-5): Not very Tutta L'Italia of the producers. Could be worse, though.

Zjerm (-3): Same as above! I'm glad this is so near the end, regardless.

C'Est La Vie (+3): Ooh, I'm pleasantly surprised with such a nice spot.

Poison Cake (+3): Same, except I expected this even less!?

Voyage (+8): Makes sense as a calmer song between those right around it.

Shh (+3): Here's hoping the performance is solid, especially since I like the song!

SF2

Milkshake Man (-5): I did list this as a possible opener, but in the end I guessed they would put this in a more competitive spot and have Survivor here instead. Oh well.

Dobrodošli: Welp. Not unexpected, unfortunately.

Laika Party: Same as above.

Bur man laimi (-3): Ouch. But not entirely unexpected. In my "Milkshake Man opener" alternative list, I guessed 3 out of 4 songs until here (I guessed Survivor instead of Laika Party).

Survivor (+4): Hey, at least this means a better chance of SF survivor (stay aliver).

Wasted Love (-2): Not the worst spot, but still...

What The Hell Just Happened? (-7): My reaction to both the ending of the Wasted Love MV and the arrangement of these last songs from the first half.

Asteromata (not predicted): I... ended up completely ignoring the song during my original prediction... looking back at it, I would probably put it in 8th or 7th, but I might also have ended up putting it earlier and switching maman with Baller. Anyway, this is a good song and it got a great spot, except for...

Tavo akys (+5): I don't like how they put two sad songs back to back, even if they are in different genres. This would have worked better if it was in between Laika Party and Bur man laimi (even if it can be argued Laika Party is also a sad song), or if it was switched with Bur man laimi and Survivor went somewhere else (to avoid the rock-adjacent songs being together).

Since Asteromata had to go somewhere within these first slots, I'm going to act as if my original 9-18 predictions were actually 10-19.

10. Serving (-7): Lol, did the EBU try to bury this in the middle for being controversial? Being in between an emo song and a ballad isn't bad, though.

11. Freedom: If I didn't butcher my own prediction by forgetting Asteromata, this would be a bullseye.

12. maman (+6): The AQ slots in this SF are weirdly unbalanced. Also, putting this after a ballad is weird, although I'm not sure how much this will affect votes since this one is an AQ and Freedom isn't.

13. Hallucination (+1): Fun eurodance song that doesn't stand out too much. Makes sense for it to be around here, especially when Baller is near the end.

14. Kiss Kiss Goodbye (-4): The closest to this is Wasted Love, imho, so I don't mind it here.

15. La poupée monte le son (+1): Huh, better than I expected.

16. New Day Will Rise: Yeah, just as I expected: a somewhat privileged slot. To be fair, there are 3 ballads from countries with questionable politics that might be at play in ESC in this half, so at least one of them would probably get a good slot.

17. Baller (+7): I don't think Baller is very competitive, but I find the song super fun and I'm glad it's getting such good exposure!

18. Mila (+5): I don't like the lyrics or the circumstances surrounding Princ's win or the racist Tiktok videos, but, to be fair, I do think this sounds better than the other ballads in this half, so ehh.

19. Ich komme: Honestly, there aren't many other good options to end the semi-finals with, so I'm not surprised.

So, hey, this was a fun exercise. I'm not sure how much it was down to luck and how much I could actually guess about the intentions of the producers, but I wanted to be able to log these predictions. :)